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紫の花嫁 | 憂
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EP 24 及子303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFQcg5cdeG
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我後悔在生303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMF6stfPalw
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一直以來303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeIx8IQ2k4
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我也是一個負累
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我知道，所以遠離所有人
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我恨我自己
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我知道自己是沒人要的小孩303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqyz3yVaif
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我不想這樣下去303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9sc6iZhv3
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但不論那一個她也好，也說得對
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我根本，根本沒有那個能力去保護任何人
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我不敢去改變自己
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我是個懦夫
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⋯⋯
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玫瑰的身上有倒刺，寄生脊椎的麗花釋放毒素到各傷口，從這些扎肉的痛處，流進心脾並噬喰，是支配身心的刺痺，也是令人憶起噩夢的觸感
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脊椎是貫穿整個身體的長骨，連接大腦和身體全部神經的遊路，將下身的痛楚拉上來的道路，想拋到肚子，但反覆的拳頭把電流推回脊椎
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唯有繼續向上升的裂傷，只好逃到胸膛，只是當肺部呼吸時，心臟抖跳時，窒息的恐懼已經佔據了此處的所有空間，離開無門，椎骨的刺感停留在該處是淵深的形成，扭曲神經、感官的負累
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怎麼辦，不如反問不然可以怎麼辦？303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRj96PhWKg
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繼續往上，到達頭殼的神經信號，折磨最敏感的大腦，反覆刺激海馬體，摳打後腦，摧毀左右腦，溶解小腦，啃咬腦前葉
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迫使恐懼的絕望傳至全身，淚腺的全通並失控地流出；令到身體輕飄，若如空中墮下，跌入死亡的谷底；摧毀聽覺又好，方向感又好，失去了，卻在如此情況下，彷彿已經不重要了；束縛呼吸的刺痛，是會使心跳停止的休克電流，身體在拼命堅持、忍耐，然而頓時的內心，已死去；在這具身體上留下永遠的烙印，一生的噩夢，奪去呼吸的自由
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到一個地步，電流開始令自己的意識模糊，痛楚已經超載，最後化為腦漿噴出，亦把意識一拼拋出體外
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休克，接近死亡的狀態，但把所有不快清空，是一個暫時的救贖
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死亡，是一個永恆的救贖303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkN17O8zAPS
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在現在，我不想面對這現實，我甚至想就此，一刻，心臟驟停，就此陷入不止的黑夜
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真相就是，終究到底，我只是不想負責任303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKq55Asqnv
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「對不起」，我想至少對她，她們說
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姑負期望的我，讓大家失望，提出無法兌換的承諾
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我不知道怎樣才好303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7eUAuiBX0
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我不知道我可以如何贖罪
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我，不是一個值得信賴的家人、朋友
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我只是一個失敗作
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我無權為他人決定
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⋯⋯
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⋯哈哈
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真諷刺303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOroZPdKPGC
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在不久之前，明明對著花子説了一番「鼓勵」、「肺腑之言」
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真是矛盾呢
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真是自私
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別人自負不可以，自己自負卻反而去怪責他人的想法
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的確是想自己死去，但仍然想身邊的人因而幸福
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多麼荒謬，對吧？自私自利的自己，最後也只是照住自己的意思，去強迫他人「幸福」起來
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那麼，我該怎樣？303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0B2Qsu7FE
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壓力，馬上會跨越理性的最後一條防線：「我值得嗎？」
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然而越是從記憶中見到背上的豔紅，對其他顏色就越是麻木，紅以外的一切只是黑白和灰
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令人作嘔，令人反感，暴力的白噪音卻成為了唯一陪伴自己的聲音，一股不斷膨脹的疲累感由胸口散開，致命的毒素造成的痛楚不是強烈，而是慢性的折磨
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呼吸不了，身體感到晃暈，焦急的心情完全霸佔了大腦，唯獨是無從反應，若如靈魂被抽了出來，不適的蔓延叫人心焚
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一切也很慢，太慢了，血液循環的速度根本趕不上，呼吸的節奏太弱，整個神經元路有如被搽上了一層薄膜
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辛苦感表達不了出來，想哭但哭不出來，精神的折磨，是發瘋的原因
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「我值得⋯什麼？」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0IsqZXDRL
