8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhv2fwmEQ92
But even so, 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wD1wjoUmz
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB15foPjSmN
And every image an equal mirror 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanx6BrPD94
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95YAQynBdW
You've moved up my doe dear, 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Qhx1hJsFC
From 8 to 80 scenes. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5nvqjuBl1
All that follows is true.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Q9s0t8wUx
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyf2XON9L2b
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TTvDlUMDA
64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cH2IBZGgh
Now64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zTIrjLQoS
Not tomorrow64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FUudEEY3Z
Yesterday64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZkzEBsjRc
It's happening now64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9ges1nA7O
The damage today64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4SyeRpwgm
The crazed and the misloved64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYLJRitvuh
It's happening now 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6MeeulaQN
Not tomorrow.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXytbIOay6c
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJDWIz894q
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMqDeqPCAD
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOy4Xk5O9op
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBY1X7CSjm
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclynNZuf6e
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVACsgyIy5
Picking at feet with 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzz4UMFUdeS
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJ1nQzs63r
Crazy. See them come out now64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsZ7cF18tn
Treading around town, 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvmZ6S2Bgi
Don't try to stop them, they’re 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNP2us1nsjC
Starving, crazy. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnxICNYEwA
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Split up into cities devoid of community 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAOK1n0cVQ
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡui32KMGD8C
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSZbmkbgrB
I know 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dwUpZ6Ney
I know 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWng6zbO9u4
I know that you hate them. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAGIJfVXGk
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And the universe warps 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzwJPe1MO1
And my blood flow slows 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIcfiLxFGg
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXz8LiEeW2u
As we move further flow.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHdQTiEQI5
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPnt19E66z
I hear static when I cum64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4BUV8APjO
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiM9DZReiT
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0kxFSzrdg
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrzMdYyvdu
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaQSR5Hgdr
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTen3VwhkI
I’ve made such a fuss. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Go4PMbf1q
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZeOwGtccp
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZja0aMVp1
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzWpb06Xa2
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkryI8dJpZ
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4Ra9bn6J4
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6Pb1KZxIC
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIsasM0rGf
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End. Safe. Found.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVG6mJ9XjaZ
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXpooeHn6J
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoutkQuTiq5
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjmJe80K1G
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39Ud9twUFT
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdgeBr4df3
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6U5bdBXqBE
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QhvDFAUCb
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFkR6FakGo
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgCfc3WhRS
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7v13rRnYl
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIWXWGXwit
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBS2SX8Yow
This world is huge and carnivorous. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUy3aYos5t
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RRLXDUWic
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQE9aJFJgtQ
Of the buildings which once were was.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxd9zfEdg6M
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKncM15pcTW
Part one: I am dead and wake 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrp4USUv00h
Part two: I feel a new awakening 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAFXntubvT
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP53SpZkzgg
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHptf4KfQc4
Part V: this was meant to become the end 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpmwthdPNs
Part 6: But then this 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfha9MYSwZh
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffTemznH0d
Part eight: Backtracking begins 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVEHyxSrjO
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMJjSkpmha
10: drunk now, I become the ending.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWher1819d
And that was Begbie’s story... 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEORWi5ALQ
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW8Q8SYMlY
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEzG4vDptb
And I do not want this. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywtijPxGP9
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Always take in more, for security, 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOwlwShc3t
Now I fly. (…)64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3J94ibRyjx
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFUXfVqXfb
The mind: 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITVPnJ9yZY
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We touch the world 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04kY8NXMjD
And it all falls away 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7WJQLJWje
We hear the word 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rgNnOhAQ4
But it all burns with the day 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1F0biH19NY
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Now our mother lies in blood 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7ucFd5nzS
Father swims away 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKA4Eysc05G
And we find us all alone 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSxi3GcZBI
Sadness song plays. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDpGy1kD3h
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Was it found? 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHgoaA4KIB
What was spent? 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvqhMtppSy
Now that everything is lost64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq355SUFIBL
What was found? What was spent? 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7YdhZaxY5
But a sadness song. 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp2KgDyxi3
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldXDIx5IoE
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