[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iCAgJLQk4
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ROXIE:278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8U2nmHJI0K
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKicWpspyXF
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneOQNFwEQL
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDJJTSR5Rl
Pause. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJFuN9HZiG
That's true enough I suppose. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYimiKj26rK
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24N73PIDqb
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYwDFh5Nk1
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But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6AKTgtbRD
Pause. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rfAu9oZ5g
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZD0rAd0ebV
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But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OdAko2UkS
Pause.278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjCKVdxaCg
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqLVmiHBMa
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Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
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Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTaApgliBf
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But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9B1UM5xvud
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Gubx9TD2Q
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I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItDN7Lo2VK
Pause.278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDGx2hSEPJ
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOwhcHAs81
Pause. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFODP7zATrR
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlcHd4R9Su
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSARAt4YEO3
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhDgzNkjuY
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[Darkness.]278Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzUS9PKvPy
