（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aAitR09Kj
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZ6daMzrnf
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8JW17mmGI
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh00WsiBciX
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAqGXXk63r
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6L1FZl74Vq
我滿意點頭。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIpPQMZKgy
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbtTZk0eIu
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFtAFKh6c9
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgHG8sHcN5
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoe4d5ipwZX
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qXuENNMas
「不知貴不貴？」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnKnwjtq6N
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iGSVo7Dae
「應該還好。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGKdLEF9Hq
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PBZKAyQvI
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrq9r8IrhyP
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVy8bLcqWZP
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwof0Fb1W4
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKr0mNu97h
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzFl5UYVKA
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAmyzcB7bD
我震驚了。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3xKXVOzvA
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpB0XNNQ7YE
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGqXzblwpX
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ENRAJXr6x
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPUBe8a7sQ
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKbMXQfInc
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBxLXkLKdQ
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQV38Wnq0K
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEUKH2GDtn
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHS7XQVCFB
What the hell?727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRKwsDblMU
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6Ah8mNsDr
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OrgtSXKry
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntfuTErLUG
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RlTgob9sE
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGGCJzJ0Uz
嘶——727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdJR43DxVz
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzfql45sf2
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2J6XgLYmBt
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UpvHubDUk
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbXUUV3ZFQ
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0K6XDF4As
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7nqtUwWxV
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczCX5U0Rp3
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9JESNw9sd
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZcfTjaSw4
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcwq7UBcpQ
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWhkMKqBe8
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxac6h3EmML
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uATH4NhrJ
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTGNscNjiI
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50dSqdFcdK
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbDzc2KRLl
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzKpUXa3VG
然而高個子不為所動！727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIoeIizjih
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlchKEbiswn
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOxxb1rjXj
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoQbqeji2t
高個子依然面不改色！727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabBtmTJqDa
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7qoh9hGUP
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXMjDPme3h
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE89MsRQgjH
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbo8OaBqaFw
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqacNFnG89
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXFxME0yEI
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYi7jUtwGzM
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLRYe6Cizo
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHtdjO8E68
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRumPmPS09J
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHNMbV63zt
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXww0HobW6
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqojCqBhhcL
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTp8sA3UDlG
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvlBqAbTkq
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlsGgbl0P7
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVTTxIYfQu
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesyNpW5lOI
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vb8fJ1vyl
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqaoqSW9N9
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9H9XrPPgC
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHLQrXaRaO
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgy9YpJ4zq
「所以不能吃嗎？」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyMgpu0B3B
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7z6bIjIx1x
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5J1p9Ndp9
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNPzFhRNY8
「但我餓了。」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7pgk7HFrp
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuM1WAuD5jz
「……」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZruHtZBI9F
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7D0h3zZW2
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MPVZ6Y26F
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQ2vm7AGou
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuFvpEZiuq
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bsqiOAlJA
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFmOdKr1sL
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrV7YrCtA6
「小語……小語……」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNELFzjRK9C
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2gdDs6a8l
Gya——727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapLkd9oMdi
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWCMBtQbwQ
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnEgyudtH8
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlZD50DLca
They are fucking gay!727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuLqgZGrNt
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegztRGwPxV
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAzf7K4EKR
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZ4BJZILzG
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjToS1aKa6
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGI1iJftg1T
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT26XTa974e
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFcIkv3bpZ
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbiJFhCQRj
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBPVpMzwiG
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDW6GajCkB
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgDJ3UuH93
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjSfAuhUoY
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlVjJDA8gi
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEr3kjIesV
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfKNwniOus
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRINSY73u5
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
727Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NcPiOWcug
