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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRef0Uf32Gs
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrNYCPkxbZ
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRQxZTBINB
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMCIIuPv4p
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDYwTERO5G
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6COMOGbZx
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCYpB76m8m
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8e91jUht5
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHb11DBGX0
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBU5vlvkwu
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8WmwI7IwT
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduuiWPxEld
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYca2Q35Jx6
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeq6NunFA3C
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZi3Tp6xm9N
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqq1OUPNwG
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZ841X5pb6
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRF7jYYS8q
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4C2ReucDlI
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcM6SEqIrQ7
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZrSoKguIs
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aam8806yj
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik4FuUovig
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL4F473McP
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNMmNANB5m
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3Gh6h2Naj
You've met?
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflNjJmcM18
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkTKCa1SFM
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigfhg935hc
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUs5Okk98m9
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7crfHSLLkH
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOC1ePGNtj
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRTZeREBDj
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MToo7LD9U
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc83kZEVB0U
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEPzSFjphC
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GT6QUOZAb
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbv5ydfi2dx
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFbJWY7QwC
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQROoH397uv
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq2Tj4TKR7
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBrxxIqlcN
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BzkagrZp2
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8Ie1jvLWJ
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXUsmUWaaE
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtHxNk3KPs
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJokvAjjrvI
I know that already!
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxYwpRsTuh
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbtH6IvKLT
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhsMNrrBkH
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoJPSBDakk
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVygnNCitW0
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqSHGdgjRt
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPgFskGDEr
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbneIZxwvK1
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeW5Ddsk7OY
No you're not!
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SHARON190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhrkk3gRkf
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECQsypCDBH
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87lS3W0mQx
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a2rlOFosB
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzN9wNy8dyB
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJDGw9pnrx
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZvlPVrrH1
What?
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAa24rNjMI
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4jrPRY6ZK
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlT4rcIwLf
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0reZqUIhHw
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzjHTYeR6I
Long enough.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO43CLcgbDj
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYtSEPRnho
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7h1slrDyj
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7xfg4ndzJ
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrenFlswJn
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocu08V1dZH
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7QI9LVUK8
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelJWZqRhf4
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqcEPDRV7y
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOhxTEVNdB
GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqgFLmXZvT
Thank you.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKelNyJiT3h
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SfGDuIcsk
GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlx6aukLSKG
Does this mean you want me back?
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsfUrrGMAD
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpckWwKLFo
HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3ZmlIe8gQ
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbNigZGYK1
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUN9ox39u3
GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7Si8WV2yC
Well you can't have me.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohGxHazgCa
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PZ5LizOX8
HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbBkpyXYAS
WHAT?
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxF99y4Q3z
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPIWIbm6O5
GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91QigryFau
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXp5cdItuh
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N19Fq8GWu
HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeofMF0ff6j
But...
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7PikeyHeQ
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhpZqM4y0Z
GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXWDFt2L4e
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7twMq6AhjO
CHANTAL grins.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFASZluljI
HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUQ0uj0TpU
But...
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbiMuRYxjb
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87IjwVZUgN
CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ49sYG0y7O
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDJOPowiVc
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dYX4n2z34
HARRY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Z5qbMEvHc
Gregory?
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IOkQSF5j5
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUXKJb89q7
GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINH2LqgEH2
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0L2xPMcRL
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBt4iIrkQ9G
CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgchDPYIX0s
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡul65OhFOYN
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYIRCv2Iom
GREGORY190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEMZ7lzdwp
Of course you are!
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymGBmTh99k
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ax73jt1qk
CHANTAL190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdYbB2bC5X
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6MqZ1zl0K
190Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4zg6ZpvRY
THE END
ns3.139.81.51da2
