_Between pages and an empty space_

It's somewhere in the depths of night

Where my mind is wavering the fight

I'm a romance writer

A darn good fighter

Not wanting to give in

To this so called thing

Love! Ha! A little cynical I know

But really does the words on the pages not show

The way the ink bleeds into the page

The way it's all a maze

Somewhere between the clouds and the cold hard floor

Somewhere between not living without your love and not wanting a single ounce of pain no more

Somewhere lost between the fantasy of church bells

And how outta love you fell

Its reality I tell myself

Its right there on every bookshelf

How two people fall in love, on page one

And as the pages turned, into chapters, here I am left alone.

Your loving arms, something I used to know

Clutching to our photo frame

Here and now

Whispering your name

The salt water rolling down my cheeks, without a single trace

I'm left with our memories, a broken heart and in my bed there's an empty space.

- Denesca van Eck

- 25 March 2025

Let's stop playing games

Watching as it goes up in flames

You standing there

I'm over here

Our eyes connect

In yours I see a speck

Of something so unknown

Something as heavy as stone

Our life filled with photo frames

And other people's names

Each of us has our own

But it's your heart that I want to know

Her hand in yours

His hand around my waist

My heart is making a tour

Entering that dangerous space

Between right and wrong

The two of us known eachother for so long

Tell me how can this be

Why didn't your heart choose me

All those years ago when both us were single

Why didn't the spark between us lit a flame

A sort of kindle

My heart should have known your name

What if we tell them goodbye

I don't want to lie

Not to myself and not to him, but it's you I want

In my slumber it's your name I chant

How did it get this far

My head and heart is in the middle of a war

Like a wildfire burning a path

Thinking about doing something that I shouldn't have

Do we burn the lives we built to ashes

Seeing the flashes

Of the memories of me and him, you and her,

We could never go there

Breaking the eye contact

My heart just barely intact

I don't want to go closer to you

Afraid of what we would do

Just wanting to touch you once, feeling your lips on mine

Shaking the thoughts out of my head, it's a damn crime

To be an arsonist and light our lives on fire

We simply need to push these feelings down and retire

I can't just sit and watch it burn

So I will return

To holding him, while you kiss her

Watching this event occur

There will be no burning flames

As we stay with the people in our photo frames.

-Denesca van Eck

-21 January 2025

-Part 1/25

There's darkness all around, as he sat alone, back against the wall, elbows resting on his knees, staring at the ceiling, wishing it was a dream, wishing it weren't real, wishing she was here, clenching and unclenching his fist, if only he'd been a better man, if only he'd been half the man she needed him to be. If only he could be able... Able to show love like she needed him to.

Why the hell does he need to screw up everything good in his life, and it ain't like she hadn't given him more than one chance to become the man she always said she knew he is.

His fingers gripping the neck of the bottle of jack, the gold liquor hitting his throat as he tried to wash down the feeling of failure, heartbreak, of misery, despair. It felt like there was this intense pressure in his chest, as he recalled the conversation that led to this moment, she stood there, tear stains on her cheeks "Dean .." she sounded broken, "why... Why do you always have to do this? Why do you always have to run towards danger?" His voice gruff "babe it's important, I'm saving people... I'm saving people" he repeated.

Shaking her head "what about saving us? What about staying for once?" He walked closer towards her, "I have to do this, It's who I am darling..." In frustration she grunted, "you're so much more than this, more than the man your father said you are... Dean, listen to me, don't go..."

He saw the desperation in her eyes, the pleading in her voice, as he stood there in front of her, she took his hands, held onto him, her voice cracking "please, don't do this .." his thumb brushed over her knuckles, determination in his voice "I have to... This is just something I have to do." She let go of his hands, fear in her tone, "you're going to get yourself killed Dean and for what, keeping your father happy?"

He huffed "you wouldn't understand, I promised him..." She didn't let him finish that sentence, instead she raised her voice "fine!" She looked at him a pained expression expression "I'm done trying, I can't anymore Dean"

Confusion evident as he looked at her, "w-what do you mean by that?" She hissed back "I'm done staying here, hoping you'd come home safely, unharmed... I can't do that anymore" his jaw clenched "what? You knew who I was, I am when we started out"

She shook her head "Dean you don't get it do you, You come home every time, torn to pieces, about what you had to do, you've become a shell of the man I fell in love with," his frustration evident "that's not true"

The last thing she said as she left that day was "you know it's true" and he hasn't seen her since.

His hand brushed through his hair, he knew it was true, he wasn't the same man he was before, he truly has become a shadow of who he once was, but he couldn't tell her she was right ... Why didn't he beg her to stay? Why did he let her walk out that day! Every time he closes his eyes it's like he can't breathe, seeing her pained expression, the tears in her eyes, the fear in her voice, he suddenly throws the bottle against the wall, screaming in frustration, in anger. Watching as the shards of glass shatter against the wall, tears in the corners of his emerald eyes, a hoarse, desperate whisper falling from his plump lips, "I should've said the words you wanted to here baby, I should've been better, but now instead I'm torn to pieces by the memory of you, of what we could've been... Wishing like hell I stayed, wishing I were half the man you'd wanted me to be" he let out a defeated grunt, knowing the only place he'll ever see you again are the memories replaying over and over in his mind, because even if it is tearing him to pieces, he knows your

not coming back.

With a smirk he said "come on little darling"

Wide-eyed I shook my head "no, I can't do such a thing"

His smirk grew "what love me?"

Looking up to meet the contact in his eye

"It's not that, it's your a little wild"

He smiled "and you've always been the sweet child?"

I nodded "yes exactly"

His eyes darkened "well frankly"

He paused, I nudged him, "well go on"

His thumb met my jaw, his voice low, "your a fully grown woman now"

His touch sent shivers down my spine "but I ..."

The rasp in his voice got deeper, "don't want to fly?"

Furrowing my brows, "what, fly where to?"

Smiling, he cupped my face "to the land where I love only you!"

Clearing his throat "throw caution To the wind"

"Let me you love you in every way,"

Oh his words were so kind.

Urgency in his tone "let me show you I'm a better man, because of you every day"

I felt that excitement in my heart

Pleading "please baby, take my hand and let's start"

He held his hand out to mine

I smiled, "okay fine"

His lips crashed onto mine and I could've sworn, that I flew above the clouds

He might not fit the world's perfect mould's

But my hand fits perfectly in his

It might not be the perfect scripted plan I had, but this...

This is how love's supposed to be,

Throwing caution To the wind, just you and me

Trying every day to love and respect each other, building a strong foundation

Our hearts the destination.

- 28 January 2025

- Denesca van Eck

- #2/25