The following day we wake up for university my alarm blasting out and invading the peacefulness of the room, I turn it off. I face him in bed and he smiles.
"Morning" he says.
"Morning baby" I kiss him.
44Please respect copyright.PENANA4XpyBmImz0
He smiles and his eyes shimmer with happiness, he holds onto me not wanting to let me go and shower.
After a lot of cuddles, and kissing, I leave the warm bed and head to the shower. I stand under it and let it massage my back. I use my new moisturiser and perfume once I'm out. I dry my hair and put on makeup. I'm wearing my maroon jumper dress and leather jacket. Gotta look good to feel confident around Jay or he will tear into me. Embarrass me in front of everybody including myself.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAJiVPze8tPL
I head downstairs to Matty who is making coffee and toast.
He's set out my breakfast on the table. I thank him and tuck in. He joins me and smiles seeing me clearing my plate.
"I can make more food baby" he suggests.
44Please respect copyright.PENANA87GymdtaVM
"No that's a myth, I'm not getting fat Matty" I say.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAMv1UtPCy9k
He looks at me adoringly.
"Adorable." He sighs. Laughing.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAzh7NRaO3cf
"We'll get lunch together okay, take a snack too" he suggests. I pop a cereal bar in my handbag, and two bottles of water.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAyEOsAoXodL
"You look radiant" he says smiling.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAUgrUxUAxwz
I laugh and clear the table so that we don't come back to a mess. As I'm searching through my bag to check that I have everything he puts his arms around me and I smile. He kisses me passionately.
44Please respect copyright.PENANADFy7NlzrL7
"I've literally got double psychology. This is the worst thing that could happen after having sex in the same room as them" I say.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAdVcHy0mSNr
"I'm sorry I should have stopped us" he says brushing my lips again, this seems like the perfect opportunity to ask him about it all.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAnUv06tJ79M
"Did you know they came in?" I ask openly.
44Please respect copyright.PENANA8gZd2JAaL8
"I didn't know, I suspected somebody came in but I assumed whoever it was left when they realised we were there. Then once we had finished I saw Jay across the room" he says.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAKVxrojMuHj
I smile at him.
We grab our things and he carries my bag to the car. I laugh telling him I can carry my own stuff.
44Please respect copyright.PENANASToHjVYvT5
I don't want to say goodbye to him, after the weekend it's always harder, we spend all of our time together and being apart is difficult. I hug him in the parking lot my head buried in his chest. He kisses my forehead and tells me he'll see me at lunch in the canteen.
44Please respect copyright.PENANA0odytJQVcg
Once I get to psychology Jay is already there and thankfully he's sitting with Jane near the front. I ignore him, completely I will not even go over to him. I sit in my normal seat alone, shrug off my jacket and put it on his chair. I get everything out that I need and read the email about our special double lecture. The first 2 hours are normal note taking sessions on new topics and the last 2 hours are focused on our group work. Gonna have to face him. As I look up he turns around from looking at me and I sigh. That's not going to be easy, I would rather pretend he doesn't exist.
44Please respect copyright.PENANASe2a8m9Rlt
"Hey" Ross says sitting down next to me.
I turn to face him and hug him. He laughs not expecting my enthusiasm.
"I'm gonna be off more often" he laughs.
"If that's the response I get" he adds.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAQeeWNf0hhZ
"How did you manage getting here" I ask.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAxHR2zC1wB3
"I drove the car, I don't need that leg to drive." He says smiling.
44Please respect copyright.PENANA4O0ybNy35k
I smile back at him and hug him again. I'm so happy he's here, he makes me feel safe and comfortable again. And I know I don't have to face the next 4 hours alone.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAkviol6vBEu
I glance at him and smile again. I can't help myself.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAUbwVPvkrbp
"This is a good day huh? He moved seats finally" Ross says.
44Please respect copyright.PENANApuO8HskJv6
"Yes." I glance at Jay. He's got his arm around Jane.
44Please respect copyright.PENANA7zUihf12nD
"But remember our group work?" I say explaining that the second session will be in groups.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAo5UsCn4K6z
"We can change our groups ?" He laughs.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAETKU4GFGZP
"I dunno let's see how it plays out" I say back to him.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAESHluz4xNy
I take his hand in my own when the lecture starts and squeeze it lightly. I could start crying, I'm so happy to have him back. Having him there has reminded me how much I missed him. I go to pull my hand away but he keeps it. He strokes my hand and I feel relaxed and happy. He glances down at me and smiles. His kind eyes looking at my own.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAIoFk3zEcXE
On the break we stretch our legs heading outside. He offers me a cigarette but I refuse telling him I've quit. He smiles at me.
Once we're out we walk over to the side of the building.
"Ross I missed you, when you were in hospital" I say to him.
44Please respect copyright.PENANANDQrltjDAo
He hugs me, his arms wrapping around me. I lean into him breathing out a sigh of relief. Then I pull myself away.
"I missed you more than anything" he says looking down into my eyes his hands still placed just above my hips.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAXCjwwJU2dd
Why do they all have to be so shockingly beautiful? For a second I think he's going to kiss me. He deliberates and decides not too. I cast my eyes down, leaning against the building.
44Please respect copyright.PENANA26t5zirO1X
"Incoming" he says. I glance over and see Jay and Jane walking over to us.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAaARaVd7Asd
"Fucks sake" I say.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAR8siZ2pZGA
"We can head back in" Ross suggests putting some distance between us.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAoWY8OUjkc2
"Okay that's a plan, just say hi and then we'll go" I say smiling at him.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAtMCHR3Fljf
Jay stands opposite me next to Ross.
44Please respect copyright.PENANANTUkChbkyk
"Hey, Tay" Jane says. She isn't a nasty person, and I feel bad but she just annoys me instantly.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAvbNHY32SsI
"Hey" I say looking down at the floor.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAIS2dx5eA9a
"Can I join your group by the way?" She asks.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAC3TPnNplFv
I look to Ross. Let him decide.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAeoRM0ErIlD
"I'm not sure ?" He stutters
"We we're actually thinking about working in a pair" Ross adds.
"That way you two can work together, plus it will be easier for meet ups" he says.
44Please respect copyright.PENANA5YNh8NbxZS
Jay eyes me and I refuse to look at him.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAaOhF5K451L
"It doesn't have to be awkward" she mutters under her breath.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAWiuA87wExb
"What is wrong with you? It's totally fucking awkward. Because you just made it awkward by drawing attention to it." I say and instantly regret it.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAvnP5OBiJcs
I breathe out and count in my head. I do that when I'm stressed or angry.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. But no we cannot work together" I say and then I walk away.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAr7N8mhdpqB
Ross catches up with me. And I walk back with him into the building.
He doesn't say anything we just go and sit back down. For another hour of note taking.
44Please respect copyright.PENANASJCowF2emq
"You wanna tell me what's going on" Ross asks before the lecture begins.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAbFlrh8p0dg
"At the party they came in when me and Matty were upstairs doing something I would rather they didn't see" I say.
"Now I feel like really self conscious because he's seen me naked" I say quietly.
"Let alone what I was doing at the time" I say.
44Please respect copyright.PENANA21mfr1laiJ
"I understand" he says and he looks annoyed.
"That's not on Tay" he adds.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAV7jSWX3271
The lecture starts and Ross holds onto my hand again. I begin to wonder how I'm ever going to have boundaries around him.
The problem is me, I know that. And if he didn't behave like this around me I would miss him. I'm sure of that because of how much I missed him when he was in hospital. The fact that I'm pregnant with Matty's child is making me an emotional wreck. I feel like I need the world to just stop.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAo4ExeNcfFA
The lecture continues and I switch on speech to text again. I sit back in my chair and zone out. It's lunch next and I can't wait for it. Im so hungry again. Already. Even dancing all day never got me this hungry.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAeUHr8rQFep
At the end Jane approaches me. I swear to God this one does not get the hint.
"Im sorry Tay, I didn't mean to make things weird between us" she says.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAuoQU7yU1eU
"That's okay I'm sorry too. Im just in a mood and I wasn't totally fair ignore me" I say and smile. There we go, bitchy Tay has left.
I look at Jay in the eyes for the first time and then swiftly grab my things to go.
Ross is tense the whole way to the canteen and I yearn to comfort him but I don't because I'm trying not too touch him anymore.
44Please respect copyright.PENANAtnMqmu1nPe
Matty's sitting down at our sofas and I smile over at him. I see blondie, I still don't know her name, opposite him and my smile vanishes. Not because I think he's like that, but because it's yet another annoying blonde for me to contend with. Man I am grumpy today.
ns 172.70.178.9da2