It wasn't dark but it looked as though the world had died. The air smelt of garlic and a tantalizing mixture of pain and half relief. A man, troubled by the darkness from within, gazed up and let out a groan. For a moment, he stayed where he was, unmoving, dead. The sun came up and died down in one long stride but still, he sat there, as silent as tomorrow. When he moved later as the darkness settled over, it was not noticed.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQhMi2iqNa
He made tea. He gave the little child who stared up at him from the photograph, a deep, treacherous smile and gulped down hard. It tasted sweet, the sugar settling like a lie at the bottom of his cup. He rinsed it off. He cleaned his lips with the back of his palms and prayed.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i9sLEwAVo
The second call came as he washed the dishes. He missed it again. He knew the caller even before he marched off to it, water dripping slowly from his large palms. He watched the telephone for a while, thinking but not really caring.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefJJS2k0TQ
The third call came. He took it up and stifled a yawn. The woman on the other end did not take it too well. She screamed words at him and hung up. It wasn't fear that engulfed him later. It was the little things that made him breathe in the morning and it moved him to call her back.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyP2CVwXXrN
She took the call, stayed silent for long seconds. Then she said, "How are you doing?"
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgoTJrFDsX
He scratched his head for better words but found nothing. She would see through his lies no matter what so he smiled at the little child and said, "It's been a long time, Jane."
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKWJ0LPhMO
He could imagine her sitting on the kitchen floor with the phone in her left ear. She would be twisting the end of her hair, too tired to pretend the wine wasn't working.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAa1sgQHi2k
"Don't act like it wasn't your idea for a divorce. What did you expect? That I would wait for you to be done with your novel."
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPvJP4IId4
"I wanted you to." His voice was low. It was because he knew it had not been so. He had wanted her to stay because she had been his muse, his hope for inspiration and she had become too tired.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrF7g26HEhv
"What do you think could have happened?" She asked.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPkVJ7Rhio
He stayed silent. She mistook it for fear and she hinted so. He denied but he knew and she knew it too, the fear could not be hidden under a cloak of red wine and beautiful manuscripts.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVb1IsYchDc
"I did not call to talk about the past. Your child will be home tomorrow night."
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0B58gN70n
He looked up at the smiling child and asked, "Alone?"
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRYcekSJSB
"I wouldn't leave my child alone with you, don't worry. Why the hell do you think you lost custody?"
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GJm2Sn2Co
"Because you had all the money?" Even he knew that had not been the case.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XB0ftHj0K
"Because you are not well." She said to him.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZLiTxrMlk
They said little about Christmases missed and autumn leaves and they ended it with a nod and a shaky goodbye.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JRXOQodkr
Alone, he limped towards the door and pulled it open. He stepped outside and watched the night sky. They had looked at him with careless attention and had proclaimed him unfit to take care of the child. He hadn't begged them but he had held the young girl's hands and whispered into her hair, "I will love you forever."
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZjloiT48C
He had thought he would die before the morning but the very next day, he took his pen and notebook and walked down the path that led to the past and wrote. Through discarded memories, he could write about everything that never happened.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTSsCFfoFB
He stared at the darkened sky and gulped down hard. He could already taste the joy of seeing his family again. It made his knees grow weak and when he thought about how his child would look at him, he panicked. The sky was the exact color of death and sunshine.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPHkzU9bVO
He stepped into his house and locked the door. He turned around and saw the manuscripts, scarred from all the months and years it had taken to say something meaningful. He walked to it, took it, and carried it like a small, lifeless child up the stairs and into his room. He sat like a shy adult and pulled open his recollections of the past.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYIn2mkiHK
My first story, he thought with a smile that threw all the years away with a careful sweep. The tears welled up in his eyes and as he pushed the first words into his head, he wished his family had been patient enough to discard his tasteless jokes and abnormal eating habits. He wished she had stayed and told him to write whatever he wanted and loved him so hard the story mattered.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cwm7VG97r
In the morning, he went to work. He didn't take the bus, didn't feel the need to. He walked down the road, waved at all the people who secretly hated him, and his need to finish his first book. They did not wave him back. Instead, they turned away to listen to fireworks in their hearts.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2YACKHYEe
At the library, he sat and watched the people who read and pretended to understand. The library where he worked was not one he particularly liked but which gave him enough money to sit in his room in the middle of the night to write and not worry about the bills.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECa1AuQdyX
He smiled at himself again. His book would be seated on his made-up bed, waiting for him to return to it. It would wait because it loved him, far more than anyone else ever could and it would stay even if he cried himself to sleep. It would love him because he created it from his mind, from past memories, from his past hidden emotions.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIt01jhC39t
In the evening life made more sense to him. He prepared pasta even though she had called and told him to prepare nothing. The sound of the doorbell ringing was the music he needed. He opened the door. He smiled at her. She looked down at their child and smiled back. He locked the door.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWxbI1WagO
She said, " It smells nice."
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEz3XuZYJXP
"Pasta with cherry sauce. Your favorite." He said.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dMfFr207q
She nodded. He took his daughter in his arms and held her so close he could hear her heart beating fast. He told her, "I missed you, Princess."
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRhCXH2Fsi
It took a while for her eyes to open to the familiar sound of his voice. She smiled. Then she giggled and called him daddy.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawxZZUIUPP
She took the child up the staircase and he stood with his hands in his pockets. She did not come down. An hour later, he walked into the room. His child was asleep.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjVSymqSky
"She is tired." His ex-wife whispered.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡls6Yf8l9iC
He nodded.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCfDkCgxvp
She stood up but as she made to leave, she noticed the book by the table. She picked it up and turned to him. Her voice was low, "Is this the...book?"
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOXxllvgEi
"It is." He said to her.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYS9aJttwZw
She walked past him with the book safely tucked underneath her hands. He followed her down the stairs. They sat on the sofa.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnn7Dx33yc
"When did you finish it?" She asked turning it open.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphFYhOJdyJ
"Yesterday. It's exciting." He told her.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHZmZH86BX
"Your first book."
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS32WdWp8i8
"Yes." He smiled wearily.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHnKDiuo79
She saw the dedication first: For her, for staying and walking away. She did not smile. She said, "what's it about?"
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzTifoGLGM
"About us. Everything."
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlaKzG9nLO
"Can I read it?"
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxosWMYlPb
"Do you want to?"
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHSAhmXIyV
She closed the book. He hugged her, she let him do so. Sometime later he kissed her and she let him do it. He put his hands in her hair. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pushed in gently.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUvqPgjIfY
Then they fell asleep. In the middle of the night, she pulled open the book and under faint light, read about her when she was young and wild and full of love. And when she was done, she cleaned the tears from her eyes and kissed his cheeks. He was still asleep
ns3.144.38.118da2
