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破碎的拼不起來的是心?還是相信別人的基礎?
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「她會去哪?」
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現在才知道,原來要找到一個人這麼難。許育典四處亂走,先去停車場,發現機車還在,人不在,緊接著去附近的商店。哦,兩罐飲料特價耶,可惜現在只想喝一罐。
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「謝謝光臨。」
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才出門,被細細聲音叫住。
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「小育。」
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是時安培。她坐在商店延伸出來的邊上,一臉倦容。
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儘管裝做不在乎,心裡卻很清楚。手中那罐BOSS的苦澀,遠遠不及剛才所見的痛苦。於是,呼吸開始變得沉重,開始有了強烈的無力感,有了分手後的一切症狀。
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「回去吧。」
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「讓我多待一下。」
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許育典沒遇過這種情況,眼前的她好像被車撞到一樣,受了看不見的重傷,奄奄一息;又好像大考落榜的學生,臉像是灰色,又像淺藍色的。這就是所謂的失戀吧,總而言之她受傷了,被愛刺傷,皮膚未見傷口,卻同樣能感受她的痛苦。
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這就是愛情?看來不太安全。
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「妳幹嘛走?幹嘛離開現場?妳又沒有錯。」
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「剛才的狀況,她需要的……是我離開。」
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四周的空氣很沉重,壓的人喘不過氣,如同侑子小姐原本停滯地時間開始流動,不得不面對的現實,讓人身心俱疲。
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「可以聽我說嗎?」
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許育典沒說什麼,她明白那是同意的意思。
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「其實,我很早就知道這段感情不會長久,只是不想面對,內心依舊否定著。呵,只是覺得可惜,畢竟,因為這件事大部分的社員從此和我不相往來,敵視我、瞪我。鈞不解釋,認為清者自清。……現在想想當時的自己真的很傻,什麼也沒多想,就一頭栽進,無怨無悔。」
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「總是這樣。」他打了呵欠。
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「哈哈你這小鬼懂什麼?」時安培打了他一下,又說:「……丁貝瑜, 我是說小愛,你知道吧?那個長頭髮的女生,她是鈞的女友,我剛進社團的時候,她們正在冷戰,誰也不跟誰講話,沒人說破,我還傻傻地以為她們不熟……」
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許育典陪著她一起回憶,景物顏色逐漸淡去,出現一道白色的門,推開。刺眼的解剖台旁渾濁光源,架子消毒過的刀,自己身上穿著防護衣,戴上手套、口罩,只為了想知道這段愛情的確定死因。
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以前是瞎了?聾了?
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還是一定要在這樣的情狀下才能明白一切真相?
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