There's an old riddle I tell to the folks who come tired to the halfway house.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBZDAN4Utc
'How far can you walk into a forest?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qYt062HkY
Some of them know the answer, some don't.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUyrziZ1iG
'Halfway. Now take your rest.'
The Wood of White Nights was my home.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYTluuifV7
It was a place between two places where rarely people had a reason to stay. Two poor towns, farming areas, or so they claimed, because the crops always failed and never the baleful cry of an animal I heard.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTCF6SE2Ar
People had their own reasons for passing by the Halfway House, and I had my own reasons to live there.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzy7BFE8U6r
I suppose, if nothing else, it gave me something to do.
It was a hobby of sorts - I had always had a way of talking to people, and at the Halfway House I could learn about a different life every day. All the sadness and - occasionally - gladness that would lead someone to stay at a dying building in a forest full of dangerous beasts.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBU2jy9gWE
For some, perhaps they were seeking something. Tales of lost treasure in the Woods, or old friends who stopped returning letters or calls. It's strange, really - the people who were looking for something were lost themselves.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPu5e3BqMN
The House provided refuge for others, a place where the outside world no longer mattered, a place where time itself failed to keep composure, a place where they could escape the judgements and expectations.
And I suppose that for a while it kept my interest. Lives and stories were precious things and the knowledge of each one was like a temporary high of intimacy - something that I could never have achieved elsewhere.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SVBTX3KL3
But too soon, I learnt that life was like a loop, a pencil retracing the same track over and over again - I met the same people, the same stories, the same tired faces with eyes of broken promise.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95TwJLtH6k
There was nowhere else for me then, of course. So I stayed. And with every passing year, I couldn't help but feel that I was looking into the mirror every time I greeted a lost soul into the House. I was running. Away, or to, even I didn't know. But I was running, by staying still.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXi6bIGm8Ha
You see, runners inevitably hit a brick wall. For them, it was death. For me, it was an old friend who returned as a stranger under a rain-soaked sun.
'Welcome to the Halfway House.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3fvvpbhaA
The girl was dripping, and the warm rays of light from the sky had done nothing to dry her. She was English - with those perpetual dimples and perceptive eyes - and her hair was dyed an angel white. She was short - and her complexion said that she couldn't have been any older than twenty seven.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYn76HyTRZ
'You must be tired. Sit, please.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlVFok2NTY
She remained on her feet, and walked up to me.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LeEpyIXVk
'Do you know how far you can walk into a forest?' I asked her, seeing myself ask myself the same question from the inside of the droplets hanging at her eyelashes.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPFpqFyjM9
'Halfway, you bastard. It's me.' The moment that tears began running down her cheeks and not just residual rain was misty, like a watercolor - perhaps she was crying before she even entered.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6XZSe0N2b
'Aria!' I embraced her, but only lightly, conscious of my suit getting wet. 'You're looking younger than I last saw you.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhORYfDdVm8
'Please don't give me that bullshit Al, I'm old. I'm too old for all of this.' She let go, and finally sat down. She never liked being told when to do things.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTL0PgYGtj
'Another one?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkcJLcNuYu
'What do you think? Of course it was another one.' She pulled out a few sepia polaroids from her satchel and gave a heavy sigh at them before handing the stack to me.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGWVUGwZ6x
'What was his name?' Aria always picked the ones with the lovely smiles. Here - riding on his back in a park, laughing. Here - him making a mess of the spaghetti. Here - a kiss.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylN3iLfEt7
'Jacob. Jacob Ryans.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFrbfShipw
'He's very beautiful. You two look so happy together.' Here - both of them asleep on a couch. Here - a walk on the beach with a white dog.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXLc9bXCmJ
'Were, Al, we were happy.' She collapsed into an outburst of bodily fluid again. Crying, bleeding, orgasming, I never really got the differences. There's always the pain and the pleasure, and at the extremities, they merge into the one - like a great circle of emotions. 'God, Al, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwg3XJBUlpi
'Don't say that. What you do is a good thing. You give these men an extra few years of happiness. You know that all these people would have died if you didn't come into their bodies.' Us Muses could pass into any dying body and grant it with immortality so long as we stayed inside. She was the Aria - the outpour of raw emotion. I was the Allemande - the noble, the detached.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT980aEHMK
'But you know what I took away? Closure. And not having that - that hurts more.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPagmF0wOm
'You can still fix things.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyOOTCc98w
'Al, you know I can't do that. I can't tell them, I can't leave them in any way. I loved them all. I love them all.' She took the photos back and took a long look at the one by the beach. 'The dog was called Marbles. You like riddles, Al? Why's the dog called Marbles?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkwjzdc46c
'You tell me, sis.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sPUTfUa3i
She laughed. 'He's batshit bonkers. But adorable all the same. We got him from the adoption place in - I don't even remember. But he was heard barking from the sewers. His previous owner left him there.' A corner of the English girl's smile appeared and faded just as quickly like an imprint from the past.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzGr185xTG
'I just don't know why I keep making the same mistakes.' She folded the photos.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDCsCqjBjv
'Well, sis, life is like a loop - '827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdccyocwXIl
'Can you just shut up for once, Al? Not all of your goddamn philosophies are goddamn right. You're stuck here for what you've done, how can you say you know about life?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkzsN2LSZX
I stayed silent. She was in a mood.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsMb4lw4oe
'It's like a spiral.' She said, suddenly. 'You always think you're heading somewhere but you just keep going round and round. You know the funny thing about spirals?' I didn't interrupt her - it was rhetorical, and I would only frustrate her further. 'You can draw an infinite number of spirals. An infinite number of lives. They get close, but the only place they really touch is at the center, at the end. At the end of them all.'
Having Aria around was always difficult, but I know she did it for me.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4EVCGihd8
You see - I couldn't actually leave the woods. I had made a mistake, a long time ago. Aria takes photos of the world for me, with an old polaroid that she never found the strength to throw away. After a few decades I had had enough of the cities and mountains and lakes, and I asked if I could just see her life.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1f2YZve2hm
It was always about the love, for her. I never understood why. But she would purposefully try to find the ones who were in a healthy relationship, the ones whose boyfriends or girlfriends were always by their hospital bed.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwbz2juPXd
And once those dying bodies woke again, she would never let those people go, not until she had to leave. She stayed with each one only five, ten years - you see, the bodies don't age once we're inside. To keep us safe, she left before it would become noticeable.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2EVICEX0Z
I suppose I should have thanked her more than I did.
'You're still here.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKF1eT1SV4
It was morning, and Aria was sitting, the English girl, in the dining room. She had never stayed longer than the night before. 'I need a break from it all.' She sighed.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADwpbBaKbF
'You're at the right place.' I took the place beside her. 'The cornflakes are shit.' I reminded her. 'Have the yogurt.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD99t4G9C4r
'How did it feel, Al?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgptSwmxvSY
'How did what...'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcVhajr16U
'To do what you did. To do that to all those people.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZ2DTUuVXn
'Why are you asking me this now?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4Ib7c8nIC
She laid her head into her palms. 'Because nothing has changed.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ka0ZsLumQ
She didn't want to say it, but I knew what she was thinking. She was tired of being trapped in this world with me.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgo08xtQGU
'Sis, I'm sorry.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkXR2QAdAS
She looked up, crying again. 'But were you really?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO87as8pXgJ
I couldn't answer that. One option would be a lie and the other would break her heart.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDT5IiYNydn
I stood.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZnCD130n2
'I'll go get you some yogurt.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4nBsiR31L
'Do you ever wish you could die?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSBXlWbCoV
Aria was slowly retreating into a shroud of depression.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuWKelmQsN
'No. There's so much to live for.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjeRSVU6u5
'But I've seen it all. There's nothing left.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuavJUK3PA4
'Don't say that.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGs1IbGcZxn
Even I was surprised at how much she cried those few days she stayed at the Halfway House. It bothered me. I never wanted to see her like this.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgS0Nph9aa
And it was only then that I decided to do what I knew was possible several, several years ago.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM4rq8r9m8
'Sis... I can get you out.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQFBdFGk3A
'...what do you mean?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArm5r1vCqa
'I can get you out. I can get you back home. But you have to be patient.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI88qkQq530
'...I don't understand.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4YVqDk9sy
'Back home, sis. Away from all of this.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNXyF9qqZ1
'But how?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyrdsAlaGW
The tears had stopped and I knew I had made a promise that I couldn't bear to break.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcPJavyayq
'You'll understand tomorrow. Sleep on it.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3WMHJ1lzh
She turned away again.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpGWJJrO5J
She didn't say thanks - reminding me even now how I had mistreated her before.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyAIZ4j5wY
'Remember. You'll have to be patient.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfPIcZzxFw
I wait a few moments for a response before I close her door.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazVge0odqT
It was time for me to leave. To run away, to run towards.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIu7sc8sWMX
827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAs9Z4zh1zj
An English girl with hair angel white, kneeled before the gates of her home.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5i6ikRm87c
'Father?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfPBmej6Pn
'Aria. You know you're not allowed here.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p2RtAsM5v
'It's not Aria.'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41JRGyI3Jm
Muses could go only into dying bodies, of which there were none in the Wood of White Nights, where time itself lay tired.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dVSqUAo30
But there had been one - a girl with cancer, who should have died seven years ago, who woke at the brink and came to the woods.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3tE0AdSdV
'Allemande?'827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZb4j3k926i
I could feel him, ready to send me back to the forest in a single spin of the landscape.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfR7p1Yc07
'Wait.' I say.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYFruBLL6L
I know what I need to do to make things right. I know what I need to do to pay for my past. I know how to send Aria home.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGduPR1cEl
Because I realized, longer ago than I believed, that I was wrong. Life didn't have a simple shape, an order - life was a mirror, in the corner of the universe, in which you could see eternity, and the reflections of a thousand others -827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNPdFUkRXV
And so I will suffer the reflection of the suffering I caused.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsCauA1ANk
I had been running - not away from the forests in fear, not to the forests in hope of comfort, but to hide from the forests that festered within myself.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfPL2PZHNT
And when all the pain finally ends, they will offer me the heavens once again in forgiveness - but I would stay only a moment to say farewell - and return home, to the Halfway House.827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquwy1fvb7v
