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出自於沙士比亞的名劇《哈姆雷特》,活着還是死亡,的確是個問題。584Please respect copyright.PENANAMbeclf69n4
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我是一個將死之人,我不害怕死亡,但我害怕自身的死亡會為他人帶來困擾。也許有人會認為我太把自身當回事,但實際上,只要是有過牽絆的人也會在乎他人的想法。584Please respect copyright.PENANAbym9NkdPhz
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看着滿桌子的慰問禮,看着滿牆的打氣便條,我彷彿看見整個房間都充斥着壓力。彷彿一旦我選擇放棄自己的生命,就是背叛這些支持我的人們。但這樣的身體,真的令我很絕望。毫無預兆的痛苦,難以控制的顫抖, 痛徹心肺的嚎哭,這些都是這俱軀體所帶來的。無數次的想放棄,無數次想走往窗邊,無數次想飛往天際,但她總是故意跟我作對般,打斷我念頭。584Please respect copyright.PENANAWEURSNWUto
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「單! 今天如何呀? 我帶了波子棋來,一起下吧!」開朗活潑的天,是我最不希望背叛的人。父母也好,男朋友也罷,只有天,我不希望她為我而哭泣,不希望自己死後仍為她帶來困擾。584Please respect copyright.PENANAkj8ueahPrn
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可能是想得太深入,顯得自己有些呆滯,下棋也下得不專心,連天喊我也聽不見。584Please respect copyright.PENANAzcKP5bbzco
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「單,你是累了嗎?不如我們待會再繼續吧,不過你依然也贏不了我哦~」這小傻瓜在波子棋放的確是挺有一手的,不過我想她只是擔心我太辛苦。584Please respect copyright.PENANAzdfoDF6ipX
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「沒事!不過是在想些事……」還沒說完的話就因天掐我的臉而打斷了。曾經我在想為何她這麽喜歡掐我的臉,但慢慢就發現,她在我胡思亂想時一定會掐我。她的溫柔,常常為我的心境帶來一片柔和的陽光。584Please respect copyright.PENANAu42u0qZSU4
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「單,我記得你是水瓶座的吧?」584Please respect copyright.PENANACnkp4AaCsh
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「對呀!你最近對星座着迷?」584Please respect copyright.PENANARcnPyRrq7M
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「是呀!我覺得星座也挺準的!水瓶座聰慧又愛好和平,富具創意又敏感,這不就是在說你嗎~而我白羊座則是熱情得來又害羞,衝動,小孩子性格,這完全就是說我嘛!」584Please respect copyright.PENANAfKz6vJ6xxU
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的確,我真的挺敏感,敏感到明白天是在告訴我,我在意着她,在意着自己會否為她帶來困擾。明明她就只簡介兩個星座,但她在說敏感二字時卻小心地看了看我。她太不會裝了,但看來我還是為她帶來了煩惱。584Please respect copyright.PENANAyRVazYRVgG
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我不禁苦笑起來,但則看見天懊惱地撥弄自己的頭髮。584Please respect copyright.PENANANBv00rGGsP
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「我說單呀,你最喜歡大自然吧?」突如其來的問題令我有些許措手不及。584Please respect copyright.PENANA6aaRzQP2hN
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「是呀。」584Please respect copyright.PENANA6cFHinGHbZ
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「那天空是大自然中你又最喜歡的吧?」584Please respect copyright.PENANALBGaFNCgMz
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「沒錯。」584Please respect copyright.PENANARCV6p8xqqO
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「那你最愛誰?」584Please respect copyright.PENANAWPsLuL74Yc
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「那絕對是天你呀!」這絕對不是討好,因為天對我的好,是無人能及…等等,這些問題不會就是想我說出我最喜歡她吧,但真的有這種必要嗎?584Please respect copyright.PENANAV6GAruTdGG
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看見苦苦思索的我,天突然笑出聲來。584Please respect copyright.PENANAbF7vDFm3Z0
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「其實這些問題不需要問我知道你的答案,就像過去你對我每天的花樣告白。但從甚麼時候起,你就不再跟我說喜歡我呢?其實我感受到,不是你不喜歡我了,而是太喜歡,不想成為我的負擔。但單呀,正如你了解我般,我也了解你,你容易鑽牛角尖,但偏偏凡事都從別人出發先,使得自己常處於壓力下。但這一次,何不轉個角度去想?」584Please respect copyright.PENANAYKm562eKpH
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天每次說話都是正視別人的眼睛,彷彿想把她那滿溢的熱情都傳給對方。面對着她那率直的眼神,我害怕告訴她我想放棄生命。我慢慢低下頭,但天則抓緊我的手。584Please respect copyright.PENANARSQh5jt9cT
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「單,我從你身上感受到疾病和治療為你帶來的痛苦。不如我們順其自然,你不要再為我,為其他人而努力,不要再想着背叛與否的問題。你為自己而努力吧。你看看窗外那榕樹上的鳥巢,那些雛兒也在努力鳴叫,努力爭吃,目的都是想將來用自己雙眼去看望這世界,用自己雙翅去任何一處。將來牠們都要學習飛行,但牠們有可能立刻成功,也有可能會失敗而跌落,牠們也不會知道結果如何,但必定要嘗試。你想飛往天際,但你也應該先用生命再多觀看這世界先。你不覺得你辛苦過後再看這個大自然,會更美一些嗎?」584Please respect copyright.PENANAZIkX4nmYMR
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順着天的話,我看向榕樹上的鳥巢。伸出我的左手,那往下跌的雛鳥就像受上天的保護般,又再回到窩裏。雛鳥的活力彷彿為我帶來了希望,所以在我可以飛往天際前,牠們也要健康成長。天的話也把我一直以來的壓力慢慢消除,所以為了回應她的支持,為了我自己,也要先努力一把。584Please respect copyright.PENANAZrb3X8VNzk
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其實生存與死亡的選擇權在我手,我自己對這世界依然有留戀卻把問題推給別人。雖然生存很痛苦,但這世界的美麗我亦未欣賞夠,我應該先努力到最後一刻,至於生命的結果就隨天命引導吧。584Please respect copyright.PENANAL7WUXbfMKR
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藏住心中深埋的秘密,用一襲白色的薄紗輕輕遮着,似是矇矓,卻又那麼真實。不過天卻能輕易看穿,只因她一直都關注着我,而我,也一樣。584Please respect copyright.PENANAwtyGhONiUx
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