Nathan 

They say: Fake it til you make it.

It's actually a motivational saying. But it can be applied to my condition too. 

Everything got easier. Jessie has stopped stuttering around me, she is acting normal again. We seem like we're still friends, but just have become closer.

This makes me feel more relaxed, because I don't actually like to be pressured into doing things I might not like. Like... holding hands, stuff like that you know.

Jessie seems as concerned as me, also what makes me more relaxed and rests my mind is: Jessie is smiling more, laughing more, and there's definitely more color on her face. 

She seems happy. So I'm happy too. 

In order to make this relationship more real, I asked Jessie out for a second date. Since she has aready agreed that she'll be my girlfriend, there was no need to tell her it will be a date.

So here we are, eating icecream together. I can sense Jessie staring at me out of the corner of her eyes, but I keep staring at my colorful icecream, pretending I haven't noticed her stares. 

"Umm... Nathan?" She says. I suppress my smile and stare at her with a blank expression. She just has to say my name differently, hasn't she?

Apparently when you have somthing for somone, either it's hate or love or just an atttaction, you happen to say their name in a weird name.

For example, I have noticed that saying my own name is very weird.

"Yes, Jessie." I say, my lips curving up into a polite smile. 

"I have something to tell you." She says, her voice shaking in the end, making me frown in worry. I don't like the sound of this.

"Shoot" I say, and stare at Jessie's small figure. Her eyes are twinklig but maybe not from happiness, her hands are playing with the sleeves of her shirt, and she's biting her lips that hard, they had become red. 

"Rachel's last relationship was a mess you know." She says, and sighs. 

"Yeah, it was." I say, and try my best not to think of that bastard or killing him. So my eyes accidentally land on Jessie's lips, which is not a very good idea, because she just licked them.

I swallow and look away, thankfully Jessie doesn't notice my failed attempt to distract myself from... umm well everyhing. So she thakfully keeps talking, "She's a great girl and she deserves love."

"Yeah she does, I have never liked any of her boyfriends, honestly." I say and run my hands through my hair, if only love was true, then Rachel would have been loved more than any other girls by guys. 

"That's why I umm... have an idea" Jessie says, her nervousness is back as she's staring at me, I narrow my eyes and stare at her.

What's this? What's she talking about? 

"What idea?" I ask. 

Jessie closes her eyes for a few seconds, as if readying herself for what she's about to say. She opens them and says, "Dave is a very good guy, you know."

"Yeah he is." I mumble, what's Jessie trying to say? I don't understand a word coming out of her mouth 

"And they look cute together, they're always fighting but you know, sometimes love develops from hate, there's a thin line between them." Jessie says, as she starts playing with the sleeves of her jacket again.

Obviously Jessie is reading too many fiction, that's why she's saying what she's saying. Because love and hate are two very different things. And that's what I tell her.

"Love and hate are very different from each other, Jessie." I say gently, or try to say gently. Because my voice comes out husky and angry, which speaks for my emotions.

This is why Rachel and Jessie are best friends, they both want their friend to be happy, and they both choose wrong ways to make them happy.

I expected this behaviour from Rachel, I already knew my sister is crazy, and has a weird imagination. But I never expected this from Jessie. I always thought she's wise.

"Rachel doesn't like opening up to people soon, Nathan." Jessie says, her eyes narrowed and her lips trembling."And you already know it. As for Dave-" 

"You know nothing about Dave or Rachel as me." I snap, my breathing quickening from anger.

"I think I know enough." Jessie muttered. If she was hurt by my outburst she didn't show it.

"Dave is a dentist to be. Rachel is a wild irresponsible girl. He can never date a girl like her." I snapped. Making Jessie flinch.

"Is this what you think of me too?" She asked, her voice shaky and weak. Her lips trembling as if she's on the verge of tears.

I frowned and swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling the familiar pain of guiltiness in my chest. 

"That's not what I-"

"You're a dentist, and I'm just some girl who reads love stories, and have no future?" 

"Jessie I'm-"

"You shuldn't have asked me out then."

"Jessie, it's not like that. I'm just worried about them. I don't think making them have a blind date together or matching them together is a very good idea. They can make their own choices you know."

"Do you think I'm talking about a blind date? Do you think I'm not aware that they're both adults?"

"Dave is not thinking about relationships at the moment, I'm very sure of that. As for Rachel, she doesn't even want to see Dave, let alone date him."

"You say you know Dave, but you aren't even aware who your friend likes."

"What do you mean?"

"Dave likes Rach, Nathan. He's crazy about her!"

"How do you..."

"It's not important how I know, what's important is getting those two together."

"I don't believe this."

Jessie is crying by the time I tell her those last four words. But what she says is so unbelievable. I can't imagine my sister going out with my best friend.

If what Jessie is saying is true, that means Dave is in Louisville because of Rachel and not me.

That means he is flirting with Rachel behind my back.

"That bastard." I hear myself say, as I pace back and forth, grabbing a fistful of my short hair.

"Nathan, please... don't be mad at him... give... him a chance." Jessie says between sobs. 

"HE HAS BEEN FLIRTING WITH HER BEHIND MY BACK!!" I shout, making a few birds who were nesting on a nearby tree fly away. Also making a few heads turn our way. 

"I will pretend I haven't heard any word you said today, in return, don't interfere in Rachel's love life." I say in a calmer voice. And walk away from Jessie, leaving her by herself, crying.

I'm only two meters away from her, when I feel the annoying feeling of guiltiness again. But I still feel the blood vessel in my neck throbbing painfully, from anger.

So I can't risk going back to her.