I’m constantly reminded of who I want to be . I keep having these vivid dreams about myself . It’s always the old apt in Paterson . This time my ex was there and we were all sleeping in one room , my nephew and older sister were in the living room and my granny’s room was rotating relatives . 

this is a small urban 2 bedroom apt that was built and modeled around the 1800s n maybe early 1920s . To the point where the bath tub had feet and there was no shower . Her apt had been that way since 2022. (She was forced to move and lives in a nursing home now)

but back to the dream . I don’t know why but my ex was there , with other women , women I know he has cheated on me with . They slept in my bed and what’s crazy is my childhood bed was a bunk bed …. So dream why? 

he cheated and each time I made excuses in the dreams , but what’s crazy is everytime I would accept the disrespect I began to move slower and lose my voice . I couldn’t even speak at the end of the dream and moving felt like being restricted or stuck in mud . I guess I need to really learn my lesson . 

I know universe . I can’t accept just any ol emotions thrown my way . I need to remember who I am and to keep my candle burning . 

it was such a wild dream to see faces so vivid , feel everything . I have to do better