今天，是我三十歲的生日。
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有人說過，隨著年齡增長，陪在自己身邊的人的數量會逐漸減少。
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我向著蛋糕閉眼許願後，吹熄上面的蠟燭。
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自從搬出來一個人住之後，每年生日幾乎都是自己渡過。現在認識的這群朋友不會記住彼此的生日，也沒有慶祝生日的傳統。姐姐生了小孩後，爸媽都顧著照顧孫兒忙得團團轉。三十年母胎單身，還是別妄想能有什麼男朋友陪伴。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5le1aBMsuq
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這是一個甜到膩的巧克力蛋糕。生活愈是苦悶，就愈需要大量的糖份來提神。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYlvzjWqQl
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「咦？阿妹回來了？怎麼不告知我們一聲？」我媽在廚房做菜，抬頭瞅了我一眼，又繼續忙活去。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhLQTo6MdR
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「也沒什麼……我只是回來找東西，拿到後就走了。」我到廚房添了杯水，喝完後從廚房出來到客廳，看見我爸坐在軟墊上一邊陪外甥玩玩具，一邊看電視劇。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLitntrcVR
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「爸。」我喚了他一聲，沒等他有什麼回應，就直往後院走去。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmVaSS69JR
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家後院種了很多花花草草，還有一棵朴樹。我蹲在朴樹下一個凹凸不平的小坑前，用泥鏟挖除泥土，把埋在坑裏多年的小藍罐盒子掏出來擱在一邊，之後又重新撥土封坑。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVZvNDVbKj
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拍掉手上的泥沙，我拎起地上的小藍罐，正打算離開父母家。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKQWcmX4ak
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「不一起吃飯嗎？菜待會就煮好了。」我媽在廚房裏喊停我。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYIuSU51jC
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「我已經吃過了，不餓。你們慢慢吃吧！」97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokASK5o7P8
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把大門關上後，我鬆了一口氣，就像是暗地裏做了些什麼偷偷摸摸之事似的。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhLheAbblN
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回到自己家後，椅子還沒坐暖，我就迫不及待地打開小藍罐蓋子，探頭翻望，彷彿裏面有什麼叫人雀躍的寶物一樣。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ISegotmKs
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裏面的東西仍舊保存得很好，並沒有因為長年累月的塵封而變得霉黃。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHAJC949d9
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是一封信。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcLUdN9T5z
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是二十歲的我寫給此時此刻的我的一封信。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUkh3MqWAR
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回想起二十歲的自己，剛剛大一，同時做兼職賺賺零用錢，就算多忙碌，也總能擠出空閒時間約朋友吃飯聚聚，年輕的身體怎麼折騰都好像不會累，時間表填得滿滿當當，每天都精力充沛，生活過得十分充實。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvaYSu72Iw
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那時候還沒搬出來獨居，姐姐還沒有男朋友和小孩，一家人晚上就圍坐在一起吃晚飯，會聊聊近況，或者邊看電視邊吃飯。吃完飯就會一同收拾飯桌，大家該做什麼就做什麼。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGo4HDglEiX
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二十歲的生日，光是吃蛋糕都吃了好幾個，口味各有不同。更重要的是，身邊為我慶祝的人，有爸媽、姐姐，還有一群中學時期認識的朋友，而且願望也許了很多，至於願望有沒有實現似乎也沒所謂。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3aisShzEK
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以為日子會一直這樣過下去。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNGMGBqWfg
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直至出來社會打滾了兩年，姐姐懷孕了，但她男友不認帳跑了，像人間蒸發一樣，她每天以淚洗面。爸媽開頭說了姐姐幾句，之後就沒有再提太多事，一昧幫忙在家照顧孫兒，好讓姐姐能專心工作賺錢養家。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKGbZKvJU6
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為了自由清靜的私人空間，我選擇自己搬出去住。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTMfctuWxO
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工作日益繁重，不加以維繫的話，朋友的關係就漸漸疏遠，直到被時間慢慢沖淡。不得不提，固定重復的日子有時候會一點點消磨對生活的熱愛。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBU5JJydTC
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自己一個人的生活，的確很寧靜很悠閒，不過偶爾也會懷念起從前熱氣騰騰的群體生活。
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看完那封封印十年時光的信件，寫字字跡沒變，我仍是那個無事時常會暢想未來的我。那個時空，以及那個時空裏緊密聯繫的人，終究是回不去。
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我戴上耳機，耳機裏播放著十年前到現在仍然很喜愛的歌曲旋律，漫步走在大街上。一個五歲左右的小女孩一手拎著粉色印著笑哈哈表情的氣球，一手捧著甜筒，迎面向我走來。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGiTnVeoY4
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她只顧舔著手裏快要融化的甜甜的冰淇淋，一不留神就鬆開了手。氣球隨即順風起行，朝著廣闊的天空飛去，飛得很高很遠。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AO911tVyQ
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氣球上笑哈哈的表情望向我，彷彿在對我說：「再見啦！很高興遇見你。」
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頃刻間，我想起二十歲的自己在信裏寫的一句話：無論怎樣，希望小思你一直開心下去。97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfwp18poIZ
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這也是三十歲的我，所許下的生日願望。
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