20210101145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0TNsGuFMq
Dear Terry (a year from now),
It's me again, well, you, but like, a year ago. You're familiar with this email subject at this point, I send this out from an email address that I log in once every New Year's Day to write and schedule this to be sent the following year. It's been what, the fifth year I've started doing this? 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9Sq8i3a9i
Anyways, it's been a weird year. It should've been a new start for me, but it feels like everything's come to a halt. Like someone's pressed the emergency stop button or something. There's days where I feel like I'm the only one in this world, it's almost surreal. You wake up, you mind your own business, and all manner of chaos is happening outside your doorstep. But you filter it all out, and just continue inhaling, exhaling, and not caring. You know that feeling? Well of course you know, because you're just... me.145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvy4XkY0sip
It's been half a year or so since I graduated, but I still can't find a job. There's job cuts left and right in the tourism industry with the lockdowns and the flight restrictions, so I've just dabbled in some part time service jobs every now and then. Now with all the COVID lockdowns and closures, all these service jobs are gone as well. It's weird not having anything to do, but luckily at least I'm not in a position where my finances are absolutely ruined, like some of my university friends. 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbcqoZw03r
I hope you're in a better position than me, I guess in both a career perspective and a mental perspective. There's been days where I just feel like the world could end with me in it and I wouldn't care any less. The path outside my front door lies one filled with death and despair. Someone on the same floor who's died from COVID last week. Father of two kids, not really the kind of guy who you'd expect to get done from COVID but here we are. There's all sorts of death and despair happening outside, and here I am, physically healthy but just lacking motivation to carry on.145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGebzdYTnsg
I've been here for almost a month now, not once have I stepped outside the confines of my 500 square feet allotment. The stubborn stains on the kitchen walls, the wood plank arrangement in the apartment floor, the warning messages on the label of the water heater in the bathroom. Every nook and cranny of the house I've become immensely familiar with during these days of isolation. 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwo7wnXOsJa
The hours barely tick by, the days pass painfully slowly. Since graduation in July and the lockdowns, it felt as if though lifetimes have past since I've last torn a page off the calendar in my living room wall. July, with the drawing of a graduation cap on the corner, done by Amber, was ripped clean off the binder. August was torn off near the loops. Halfway through September, I threw away the entire calendar. Crossing off each day as it passed was simply just too much of a chore for me. I think it also somehow reminded me of my inactivity, in a way. 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFci82rvXk
Day by day, it feels like I'm just staring at the ceiling, awaiting my inevitable demise. I thought about calling Amber, but unleashing a torrent of heavy negative emotions on a whim to an ex was probably not the best idea. I thought about calling mum, but realised it'll only make her worry herself to death. Dad wouldn't understand a thing about anything I'd have to say, he'd just tell me to do some sports or something.145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBymjkxFKyZ
I'm just rambling at this point, but I don't think I've ever felt this way before but I have never felt as disposable as a human being than I have since these past few weeks. I guess I've never really been exposed to the fragility of human life, how it can all be taken away within the simple matter of days, hell, maybe even seconds.145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mKcOXRxeI
Speaking of seconds, I've got around 15 seconds till the clock strikes midnight. 10 now. You'd normally start hearing groups of family, groups of friends, start counting down right about now. 5 seconds. It's silent. 3 seconds. 2. 1.145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNP84Rt4Gk0
Happy New Year!145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDAuDRNXEw
Isn't it funny for quite a lot of people, the first word that often is said every year? Only a percentage of that people will actually experience a year of happiness. A even smaller percentage, might not even make it to the next year - where again, the cycle begins again with the word "happy". 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpEPcS4o4K
It's actually completely silent. There's no counting down, no cheering, no clinking of beer or shot glasses. It feels like the world has left me behind. Or am I the one who's left the world behind?145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNm4pbrYG5J
The thinness of the walls usually carry all manners of sound from the next door through. When I first moved in I remember being annoyed at the little kids playing with each other on the other side of the building. They moved out not long after. After that, a couple of other tenants came and went. Through the years I've heard a couple having loud sex (finance fresh graduate, actually a pretty cool guy), I've heard dogs barking (young woman moving out for the first time, she's pretty cool too), There was also a older gentleman who moved in for a while and must have installed a TV in his room, because he had it on on full blast I actually ended up having to call security just to shut him up (the boomer type, I suspect he actually has hearing difficulties though). 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eOMswCPEK
He died a few months ago, and after that came the family of 4, which became 3 as of a last weeks ago. 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lgcMCXeX4
That flat must be cursed or something. 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUXAZkQkjo
Well, that's the "recap" part done, let's get the message done with as well.145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAsSbs5Qj0
Maybe by the time you read this, hopefully you're in a better place, both physically or mentally. Maybe you've gotten a job in the tourism sector. Maybe there's a huge boom in travel after the pandemic, so all manner of jobs suddenly become readily available, with good pay and benefits. Maybe we as humans finally recover and realise there's more to see in the world than just numbers and middle management. Maybe you'd have moved out, to a better place, or just mum's place. Maybe you've reconciled with Amber? Maybe you've found someone new? 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzk4sTTVsF
Or maybe the curse next door's finally gotten over to your side of the floor. Who knows what the future's going to hold. 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfR6e9ItNpn
Oh well. See you next year then. 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwRBDCTZlj
Best, 145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFqLrS87Pe
2020 Terry145Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSO6XZ1yQdq
