◽WRONG DECISION◽
◽THIRD PERSON'S POV◽
Finally, the day had come for Marian to face the consequences of her impulsive decision. She gripped the hem of her dress, trying to calm herself with every reassuring thought she could muster, though none seemed to come. Nothing good had happened in her life recently, and this moment felt no different.
“If you can’t go on, we can stop,” Carmello offered, his voice unexpectedly soothing. For once, it felt like someone actually cared she was making the wrong decision.
A faint smile crossed her face as she momentarily escaped into one of her daydreams. The nurses and doctor had been kind especially Ramirez who had been nothing but reassuring, and their calm demeanor gave her a small sense of comfort. There was no reason to worry, she told herself. It was just nine months. This was the only thing she could think of that might give her life some stability.
The process of inserting the fertilized egg into the surrogate had been quick and clinical, almost too easy for something that could change so many lives. Yet, for Marian, it was a glimmer of hope in her life that had been anything but certain.
To Giovanni, her life was merely a fragile rope he could sever whenever he pleased.
Marian had to go and study more about how surrogacy worked after the doctor had told her the success rate for women her age was about 60 to 70 percent, giving her anxiety tendencies, she was more worried about the 30 to 40 percent chance of failure
She learned that after the embryo transfer, a blood test was usually conducted about 10-14 days later to measure the levels of hCG, a hormone produced during pregnancy. This test is the first indication of whether the embryo has successfully implanted and if the surrogate was pregnant.
After going in for her test two weeks later, she found herself anxiously waiting for updates. Each phone call from the clinic made her heart race, a mix of hope and fear swirling in her chest. She tried not to let her imagination run wild, she desperately tried to get negative thoughts out of her head but that was who she was.
Then, one afternoon, the call came. Ramirez voice was gentle but serious, a tone Marian had come to recognize as the prelude to bad news.
"Marian," he began, "I’m afraid the implantation wasn’t successful." The words hit her like a slow-moving wave, the full weight of them sinking in over several seconds. She pressed her lips together, nodding even though no one could see her.
“I see,” she finally whispered, her voice almost too soft to hear. There was a tightness in her throat, a lump she couldn’t swallow down. She had prepared herself for this possibility, told herself over and over not to get her hopes up, but now that it was real, it still hurt.
Ramirez continued speaking, explaining the next steps they could take, the other options still available to her. Marian listened, but the words blurred together, lost in the haze of her disappointment. She thanked him, hung up the phone, and sat in the quiet of her room.
She wasn’t one for dramatic outbursts or tears, but the sadness was there, creeping into her. It was a soft, steady ache, the kind she had felt too many times before. Marian let out a small, resigned sigh. She had thought she had her life guaranteed.
A sad smile played on her lips as she told herself that this was just another twist in the unpredictable journey that was her life.
Immediately she had started brainstorming for something else because that was all she knew how to do.
Think.
……
Marian hadn’t expected Carmello to be so upset. He had been so against the surrogacy that she didn’t think he’d be this disheartened when it failed.
She decided to indulge her self in a glass of wine. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Mr. Angelini. I’m sure it will succeed next time,” she said, attempting to mollify him
She took a sip of the wine, feeling its strong effects immediately since she was quite sensitive to alcohol.
“You shouldn’t be drinking,” Carmello slurred, already well into his second bottle, staring blankly. His detached demeanor was unsettling.
“I don’t like seeing you like this,” Marian admitted. Unsure how to console him, “I'll say I like your asshole behaviour better.“ she adjusted her chair to face him but nearly toppled over. Marco caught her and pulled her close, until she was enveloped in his embrace. “You know, Marian, you’re so beautiful,” he said, his voice laced with the influence of alcohol; she was feeling tipsy herself.
Opting for another glass of wine wasn’t a smart choice. That’s why she usually stuck to fruit punch when going out with friends.
“Can I kiss you?” Marian asked, captivated by his gaze. She was curious about what his lips tasted like. Despite everything, she hadn’t had much time to think about him romantically; the way he acted like nothing was ever going to happen between them overshadowed such musing
Being so close to him was all the encouragement she needed. Carmello seemed to be waiting for her to say it, and he immediately kissed her.
........
Marian stirred awake, noticing an arm wrapped around her. Her head ached, but it wasn't the only part of her that was in pain. As the grip around her waist tightened, she quickly opened her eyes.
She sat up in a hurry, confirming that she was naked, She screamed, waking the man beside her. Quickly, she stood up, wrapping the sheet around herself. Carmello lay naked in the bed, with a red spot marking where she had just gotten up.
“Oh my God,” Marian said as she realized what had happened. She was unsure of what to do next and glanced over at Carmello, who was just starting to understand the situation himself.
“Oh my God,” they both exclaimed simultaneously. Carmello looked at the spot on the bed, oblivious to the fact that he was still naked, and asked, “You were a virgin?”
“No shit, Sherlock,” Marian muttered. Carmello quickly stood up and rushed toward her. “I’m so sorry, I have no idea what came over me. I usually don’t drink this much or blackout like this. I don’t even remember what happened last night.”
Marian sighed, knowing it was her fault for having alcohol when she knew she was a lightweight.
She knew she had caused what happened. Marian couldn't blame Carmello, knowing he was already wasted before she drank the wine.And he didn’t come on to her; she had initiated everything.“It is not your fault,” she rationalized. It was painful that she had just lost her virginity as if it mean't nothing, but there was nothing to do now.
There was no use crying over spilled milk. She wrapped the blanket around her tighter, afraid of how quickly her life was moving in the wrong direction.“I feel so guilty.” Marian closed her eyes, just noticing that Carmello was void of clothes. “Yeah, maybe a little less guilty if you wore something.” He realized it too.
He wasn’t a stranger to being naked in front of a woman, but for Marian’s comfort, who still had her eyes shut, he walked to his closet to get some pant. While he did that, Marian waddled out, wrapped in his covers, to the guest room, praying she wouldn't encounter anybody on her way.
"Who bleeds in this day and age," she muttered as she walked down the stairs
Later, Marian greeted Carmello with a cheerful “Good morning!” pretending as if nothing had happened. Normally, she faced her problems head-on, but this time, she was too afraid to confront it.“I’m sorry,” Carmello said, surprising her. Was she in a different realm where he wasn’t the cold mafia boss she knew?
“For what?” she asked.“For doing that to you,” he replied, finding it difficult to touch the subject. Sure, Marian was a blunt woman who spoke her mind. Countless times, she had told Carmello to 'fuck her' if it meant ensuring her survival, but he also knew she never meant it. It was a way of guaranteeing that her life wouldn’t be taken.
“Yeah, other than not remembering what it felt like and still feeling fucking sore, what else are you sorry for?” she said, trying to lighten the mood. “It is not your fault. You were wasted, and I thought it was a good idea to drink too. I didn’t expect this ending, but it has happened. Let’s just forget it.” Carmello always wondered how a young woman like her could be this smart.
“I’m still responsible for my actions,” he said.“Of course, you had this big dick energy. I just didn’t expect it to be that big,” she replied. Yeah, she was back to her usual self, which was worse for Carmello. He knew that was her coping mechanism—turning a trauma into some sort of sick joke.
She could remember when she made a joke about her parent's death "I'm sorry," Marian announced "for what," she cleared her throat "for making you have sex with me."
He mimicked her action not expecting that, he finished his coffee standing up to go "I'll ask the Lola to get you some drugs, and you are free of all work till next week" by work he was referring to how Marian insisted she did something around the house, she didn't want to be a freeloader
Marian smiles "wow, we should do this more often" she didn't realize how that sounded until she said it out loud
"I'm sorry" Carmello shook his head, finding no humor
"Grumpy pants" she muttered, she proceeded to cut the ingredients she was cutting, humming whatever tone came to her mind
She gasped when Carmello talked, it wasn't the voice it was the proximity that caused her reaction
"When did you get so close?" She heaved a deep breath out of nervousness
Despite her usual playful demeanor, she had developed a deep-seated trauma after discovering her parents’ bodies. She was now more cautious, unable to sleep without a light on, and was easily startled by the smallest of things. She now hated being alone and always sought the company of others.
“I thought I told you not to work?” he said, creating a bit of distance between them.“I’m not really working; I’m just cooking,” she replied, but he didn’t wait for any more arguments. He simply picked her up and placed her on a chair, leaving her there.
She was stunned.
Unable to find any words, and stared blankly into the distance, trying to process what had just happened.“I’ll cook,” he said gruffly.“You don’t have to!” Marian objected.“Fine, I'll just wait for the cook,” Marian compromised, only to be met with silence
Carmello continued to chop the carrots, tuning Marian out.
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