"So we'll say goodbye for now," Becky said, her voice gentle and reassuring. "Take care of yourself, okay?"155Please respect copyright.PENANA2pgjpBf8tt
"Okay, bye."155Please respect copyright.PENANAJ60DDxZ3aS
The door lock snapped shut with a “click”.155Please respect copyright.PENANAeg3eyqk1so
Once again, I returned to my lonely and desolate world, facing the challenges of today, tomorrow, and the days to come. Alone.155Please respect copyright.PENANAPyOQNV0vyh
At least until I return for another counseling session.155Please respect copyright.PENANA2KCYaeJ99O
There was a time when that "click" would have sent me spiraling deep into anxiety, with cold hands and feet, and trembling all over. The sound was my life preserver, my only support, and I was left mercilessly alone to face this emotional monster called “depression”, devouring all my hopes. Staggering on the verge of collapse, I wanted to knock on the door again, clinging onto the only ray of light as tears streamed down my face.155Please respect copyright.PENANAYFWFsrLcoD
But my remaining sanity and dignity told me that this was something I had to face. Long is the road and cruel is the world.155Please respect copyright.PENANAKHdROBBGNx
Becky was my psychotherapist. Since my family underwent a sudden change six months ago, I was gripped by depression. My friends Kevin and Penny recommended her service to me, hoping her expertise would lead me out of this labyrinth of desperation. 155Please respect copyright.PENANAMcM69fegRH
Every time I met with Becky, she would encourage me to speak freely about my recent situation and problems. After digesting this information, she would pinpoint the key issues and ask me questions, helping me to reflect on my feelings and respond accordingly. As an information technology professional (an "IT person"), before every meeting, I would organize the key points I wanted to discuss and write them down on my phone to ensure efficiency.155Please respect copyright.PENANA3s1V5JwW1P
In response to her questions, my answers were usually concise and logical.155Please respect copyright.PENANAqf4cbVmIgg
However, no matter how efficient and rational I strived to be, my rising emotions would often overwhelm the facade of control. 155Please respect copyright.PENANAcSMGZiOaLT
Especially when I talked about the past and touched on the deep wounds buried within me, my emotions would break down like a dam bursting. Like today, when Becky instructed me to close my eyes and recall some "images" from the past, recalling the most regretful episode in my life.155Please respect copyright.PENANAqtdp6B8W5n
I closed my eyes, recalling faces and events that had left a mark in my life. Finally, a person came to the fore: my grandma.155Please respect copyright.PENANALPE3MGziC0
Scene after scene of the time we spent together came into focus, the vivid sharpness cut through my heart.155Please respect copyright.PENANAFwMIYrkkLs
"I remember grandma," I said softly, tears bursting out with endless longing.155Please respect copyright.PENANAhxHPSXQXXe
I couldn't stop crying for a full ten minutes, mumbling the same sentence over and over again.155Please respect copyright.PENANA5qek42dVVL
"I miss her so much, I miss her so much!"155Please respect copyright.PENANA0AiXHJrYqx
She has been gone for over six years. When she developed dementia, she gradually lost her ability to take care of herself and had to move to a nursing home. And she couldn't recognize anyone apart from me. But I was always busy with work and couldn't find the time to visit. Day after day, month after month, I kept procrastinating, until one rare day when I left work early because I wasn't feeling well, I decided to visit her at the nursing home.
On the way, I passed by a Chinese bakery and remembered that she loved Chinese buns, especially the hot and spicy meat ones, so I bought two and shared them with her.155Please respect copyright.PENANArTvyVoh5rM
"They're delicious!" She ate them with relish.155Please respect copyright.PENANAKlsYxp7IOu
"Shall I come visit you again next week and bring more meat buns?" I said.155Please respect copyright.PENANAMupxCiblVf
"Okay, okay!" Completely satisfied, grandma laughed like a child.155Please respect copyright.PENANAvxURnp4cbD
So I made up my mind to visit her every week, no matter how busy I was, and to buy different types of Chinese buns to share with her, enjoying the simple happiness of being together, strengthening our bond through our taste buds.155Please respect copyright.PENANAKZ2T08QBJd
Unfortunately, my plan fell through.155Please respect copyright.PENANABorkVkyz8t
After that day, I never visited that Chinese bakery again.155Please respect copyright.PENANAoxkJGX4kFB
Grandma's health suddenly deteriorated and she needed emergency treatment at the hospital. A few days later, she passed away.155Please respect copyright.PENANAjCbmuRSCpr
The last words she said to me were "Okay, okay."155Please respect copyright.PENANAgs4audYah7
This was probably the first "unforgettable regret" in my life.155Please respect copyright.PENANAwPWuZoD5gD
“You are sitting on the edge of a rooftop. You are devastated. You are on your own. The choice is yours. You can turn left to get yourself back into life, or you can simply turn right to give in. Unfortunately there is no one that you can look up to for help. You have to make this decision on your own.155Please respect copyright.PENANA53qy1rd4R2
This is DEPRESSION.”
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