何澄佑緊緊握住蔡予軒的手,試圖給予溫暖,雙唇翕動卻什麼都說不出來,她太冷靜了,他寧願她放聲大哭,也不是這副樣子。244Please respect copyright.PENANABdAWixMxkD
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稍早,兩人作好準備要去蔡予軒家的聚會,他們穿著休閒的衣服,因為她說不需要太正式,也沒必要。他很緊張,畢竟只有從蔡予軒嘴裡聽到那些荒唐的故事,實際碰到會怎麼樣,不管是他還是她都無法預測。244Please respect copyright.PENANAGOmh9wMVba
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他們到達奶奶家,安靜的坐在椅子上。何澄佑第一次從他人身上感受到強烈的惡意,這些親戚眼裡帶著鄙視、帶著看笑話的心態注視他身旁的人,而她對跑到眼前的小孩笑了笑,卻不主動碰他們。244Please respect copyright.PENANA8mpgopHZbu
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那些孩子帶著純真的笑容,並不了解大人們之間的紛爭,對他們來說,蔡予軒就是個不常回來的姐姐,誰對他們好,他們就對誰好,僅此而已。244Please respect copyright.PENANANSjsCXxHUs
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「予軒,這幾年在做什麼?該不會還在替人端盤子打零工吧。」其中一位親戚率先提問。244Please respect copyright.PENANAXIZyldi17r
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「之前是在當安親班老師,現在跟朋友開咖啡廳。」蔡予軒淡淡的回答。244Please respect copyright.PENANAyhydaHt3UA
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「咖啡廳?哪來的錢,該不會去貸款吧,別最後像妳老爸一樣,還不了錢找到我們這裡。」244Please respect copyright.PENANARa5MuJEYA0
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「不需要貸款,是這幾年的積蓄。」244Please respect copyright.PENANABwdrG2oYH2
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或許是她沒有起伏的語氣惹怒他們,他們把目標轉到何澄佑身上:「小夥子,是她男朋友啊?」244Please respect copyright.PENANAV0Q5Nk2kCd
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「對。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAggEzW1u8uk
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「勸你跟她談談戀愛就好,一個自殺未遂的人別想結婚。」說完,幾個人哄堂大笑。244Please respect copyright.PENANAStDOZBy3K3
244Please respect copyright.PENANAT5FtH8dsCG
何澄佑握緊拳頭,想起身反駁,但她握住他的手搖搖頭,只好忍下來,強迫自己維持臉上的溫和。她的母親冷眼旁觀,沒有為她懷胎十個月的女兒說句話,眼中只有再婚對象及今年剛升小一的女兒。244Please respect copyright.PENANAafxDPJZebp
244Please respect copyright.PENANAzKt9MwpFGW
蔡予軒坐在飯桌,瞬間成為眾矢之的,句句帶刺的話語和譏笑,他們重複提起當年自殺未遂的事情,說她小題大作、抗壓性低,還讓學校老師以為家裡出什麼事,搞得像是他們虐待她,說她沒出息,說她耽誤自己母親的幸福。244Please respect copyright.PENANA035Tzi0obh
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她沒有回嘴,默默吃著午餐,表情淡然,似乎不把他們放在眼裡,因此,他們說得越來越誇張,何澄佑再怎樣都不能算當事人,光當個旁觀者,他的心便疼得受不了,難道她這些年一直是這麼過的?所以再痛也麻木了嗎?244Please respect copyright.PENANA1fMSOvIQvw
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冷嘲熱諷持續到他們要離開之際,這時,她的母親難得說要送他們下樓。244Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5dwMRJaF0
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他對她的母親有印象,小學六年級的家長會,她的母親年輕又漂亮,大家都說比較像姊姊,那時還會對蔡予軒溫柔的笑,是從什麼時候她選擇冷漠面對曾經最親的女兒。244Please respect copyright.PENANAFuaSbs2m3A
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「希望妳不要再來了。」在他們走出大門時,她的母親冷冷的說。244Please respect copyright.PENANAWNVWSLPbPA
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回過頭,她靜靜盯著自己母親,對面的人又再說一次:「請妳不要再來了,每次妳來就會談到我前夫,我不喜歡讓我老公聽到這些丟臉的過去,所以不要再來了。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAAmSgKvLKD9
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良久,她的母親轉身要離開時,蔡予軒開口:「今天來只是想跟您說,我會跟阿佑結婚,我過得很好,如您們所願,以後不會再來,希望不要知道我結婚後,怪我沒有邀請您們,再見。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAAMbxqGcbvM
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語畢,她牽著他離開這片傷心之地。244Please respect copyright.PENANAAJlm2mOzUI
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他開著車到海邊,過程一直用餘光確認她的狀態,蔡予軒沒有哭,只是面無表情盯著窗外流逝的風景,那副漠然的樣子,他感覺心臟很疼很疼,連局外人都這麼疼了,那她呢?244Please respect copyright.PENANAgY5tfQhs3A
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時間回到現在,兩人坐在防坡堤,周圍剩下海浪與海風的聲音,維持同個姿勢許久,何澄佑覺得必須讓她鬱悶的心情有出口,繼續憋在心裡真的會出事。244Please respect copyright.PENANAEIBcPMGlhJ
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「予軒,我寧願妳哭、寧願妳大吼,也不要這樣安安靜靜的,我很怕。」他捏捏她的手,嘆息著。244Please respect copyright.PENANAc7hJseQb4x
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「……我以為這麼多年,聽了這麼久的話,應該不會痛才對,但是為什麼很痛啊。」聞言,蔡予軒眼眶略紅,雙唇微顫,逼迫自己不要哭,她還有很多話想說:「不管親戚怎麼說我,這些都沒關係,唯獨她,唯獨母親不該是這樣子,小時候她很寵我,聽到其他人說關於我的事,還會為我打抱不平,但一切都變了,她交了男朋友一切都變了。說我是多餘的、我是不應該存在的、我耽誤她的時間與青春,就不該把我生出來。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAHCo8kIu4Ww
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「她連看我都不想看,我真的不該出生嗎?真的不該存在嗎?既然這麼討厭,那麼為什麼當初執意要把我生出來呢?為什麼生下我又丟下我,為什麼……我是人,我會痛,很痛啊……」她緊緊抓著何澄佑胸膛的衣服,多年累積的情緒終於潰堤。244Please respect copyright.PENANATxv14ZFQ71
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這些年的自我懷疑沒有自欺欺人,也不是一場夢,全是真實的,曾有人指著她說,是多餘、是不該存在的,說這話的並不是別人,正是她的親生母親。到了今天,她才肯真正承認,母親真的不愛她、不再把她當作女兒,而是陌生人。244Please respect copyright.PENANAh0RiCOXWiH
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何澄佑微微紅了眼眶,他的摯愛聲嘶力竭向世界哭訴,殘酷的真相帶給她的只有毀滅性的結局,他唯一能做的,就是抱著她,捂熱那顆逐漸冰涼的心。244Please respect copyright.PENANASOf9bKjkzI
244Please respect copyright.PENANASTW3B44qpD
等哭泣聲變成啜泣聲,他抿抿唇,輕聲說:「予軒,沒有人是不被需要的,妳的出生絕對有意義。」244Please respect copyright.PENANANWFxiu06EU
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「什、什麼意義?」244Please respect copyright.PENANAWrTbBsDcdZ
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「我在這啊,難道跟我見面沒意義嗎?」他拿出面紙擦擦她面頰上的淚水,還打算幫她擤鼻涕,她不好意思立即搶過來。244Please respect copyright.PENANAVdMt9QBQg1
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「我自己來。」244Please respect copyright.PENANANsoDovxgUm
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「別再這麼想了,有我啊。」244Please respect copyright.PENANA5Y1wJscT2i
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「嗯……」244Please respect copyright.PENANAWfrOLS0zG9
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他柔柔她的髮絲,安慰性的在她的唇上一吻,帶著鹹味的淚水劃過兩人緊貼的雙唇,蔡予軒緊緊抓住他的手臂,雙頰通紅的癱在他懷裡。244Please respect copyright.PENANAuEW3PJu6Ao
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「真可惜,現在天還是亮的。」244Please respect copyright.PENANA2RgPI9nQfb
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「你什麼意思?」她有危機感的睨了他一眼,但因為眼睛紅紅的,帶著水氣,完全沒有殺傷力。244Please respect copyright.PENANAn0pIN0qGBq
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「晚上去唱歌吧。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAxEtvENVxpS
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「哈?」話題跳太快,她表示跟不上。244Please respect copyright.PENANAOdCKSjTPor
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「宜欣他們要去唱歌,我答應了。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAei4GTBIky8
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蔡予軒莫名其妙從海邊被帶去KTV包廂,裡面只有陳耀一個人,何澄佑一點都不意外,因為手機收訊不好的關係,他跟陳耀打了招呼就先到店外等那群還剛下課的傢伙。244Please respect copyright.PENANA0G6a1Qp7cR
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「予軒姐,要吃什麼,我幫妳拿。」陳耀邊說邊起身。244Please respect copyright.PENANA5uGunLYi3k
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「等等,別留我一個人。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAz5v1DLaxBq
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陳耀愣了幾秒,點點頭,一前一後離開包廂,剛才裡面的燈光太暗沒看清楚,來到自助吧才看到蔡予軒雙眼是紅的,之前聽游雅晶說過一些,他選擇不拆穿這份脆弱,伸手拿過她的碗,詢問要吃什麼再幫她夾。244Please respect copyright.PENANAN7SBQrU59T
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兩人回到包廂,有一搭沒一搭的邊聊邊吃,畫面莫名和諧,陳耀走到點歌機面前,問:「他們還要一段時間,予軒姐要先唱一首嗎?趁現在只有我們兩個人的時候。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAoKQ6awjDsf
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「我不太會唱……」244Please respect copyright.PENANAI2O6FgoetP
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「唱吧,予軒姐。」244Please respect copyright.PENANA0l76z4LRL4
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被陳耀那雙毫無波瀾的眼睛盯著,蔡予軒下意識點點頭,他讓出位置,等鋼琴聲緩緩流出,他將麥克風遞給她,低下頭繼續吃東西。244Please respect copyright.PENANATYrt6J4CAO
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陳耀喜歡音樂,比起唱歌,跳舞更加能感受到情緒,他不曾聽別人唱歌聽到被擾亂心神,但現在可能有幸經歷人生中的第一次,蔡予軒並沒有用什麼技巧,她的聲音聽起來在哭訴,那種悲痛完整傳達出來,他不由自主抬起頭。244Please respect copyright.PENANA1abnx9ctqA
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藉由螢幕的亮光清楚看見她眼角的淚光,他選擇沉默,這是身為朋友兼弟弟唯一能替她做的。244Please respect copyright.PENANACm1dmg9xdP
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一曲終了,陳耀秉持禮尚往來的精神,也唱了一首,結束後,兩人再次邊吃邊聊,當何澄佑帶著其他人到包廂,看到的就是這樣的畫面,眾人無言以對。244Please respect copyright.PENANAAP2dEAAT0p
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「予軒小姐、阿耀,這裡是唱歌的地方,你們居然連一首歌都不放是怎麼回事?」張尚仁走到點唱機前,面對空蕩蕩的歌單忍不住吐槽。244Please respect copyright.PENANAKgtag17H99
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「有廣告音樂。」蔡予軒理直氣壯的回答。244Please respect copyright.PENANAq79NXrSnKG
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「也有歌手MV。」陳耀平靜的表示。244Please respect copyright.PENANAxuP6MdPWuZ
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「認識予軒的時候,我一直在想有股熟悉感。」林宜欣若有所思的打量,指著他們說:「你們是失散多年的姐弟吧,冷靜的時候簡直一模一樣啊。」244Please respect copyright.PENANA43CofcjebM
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聞言,所有人望向兩人,點點頭贊成,連何澄佑擺出思考的姿勢:「妳這麼一說,還真的是。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAaAyxcmUhA7
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「好啦,以後你們就是姐弟啦。現在唱歌了、唱歌了,不要跟我搶麥克風。」劉曉曉擺擺手,順便把張尚仁從點唱機前擠開。244Please respect copyright.PENANA2kQQpqRqIk
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「曉曉姐,點High歌。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAsvNvdSyRST
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「點林俊傑的!」244Please respect copyright.PENANAzHjo3gNJJs
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「張尚仁你滾,我要蔡依林。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAQJNcKVMvPr
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「五月天來一首。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAgFdvztuVGn
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包廂變得鬧哄哄的,何澄佑坐在蔡予軒身邊,她疑惑的問道:「你不唱嗎?」244Please respect copyright.PENANANQiEVcXQ2u
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「等等吧,妳覺得現在我擠得進去嗎?」244Please respect copyright.PENANAu3NRF2OgZK
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「呃,也是。」那畫面簡直像喪屍片裡會出現的,不忍直視。244Please respect copyright.PENANAzbvwX0dBor
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「唱過了?」244Please respect copyright.PENANAotr8c7921Q
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「咦?你……」244Please respect copyright.PENANAZvzxGdpgJS
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「我怕聽完妳最想唱的歌,會冷著臉一晚上。」言下之意就是,他才留陳耀下來陪她,揉揉她的頭:「心情好點了?」244Please respect copyright.PENANArM3RGhRFZi
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「謝謝你,阿佑。」244Please respect copyright.PENANArJv7AhGcIJ
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「甘之如飴,只要是為了妳。」244Please respect copyright.PENANA6EfGg6Njga
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「你別突然這麼肉麻啦。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAzJ13oYx99D
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「阿佑,別再調戲予軒小姐了,快過來點歌。」張尚仁一臉嫌棄的叫他過去。244Please respect copyright.PENANAGTIpGbkbFq
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她屈起腿,靠著膝蓋盯著正在唱歌的何澄佑,這天可能是人生中最破碎的一天,但她慶幸有他、有這些朋友,他們不過問,用這種方式陪伴,她揚起嘴角,露出今天第一個笑容。244Please respect copyright.PENANAXz0Les6GTP
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何澄佑轉過身,撞見蔡予軒微笑的表情,他微愣幾秒,勾起嘴角透過麥克風說出一直想說的話。244Please respect copyright.PENANAx2xRq0x8dY
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「予軒,我愛妳。」244Please respect copyright.PENANAxYPv2G1c42