Paul knew my history of my past and i knew his and i knew what it was like to be mistreated and like my family told me you treat people as you want to be treated well i stay strong to those family values i hold those words so dear to my heart. and i never for get the time i ask Paul to do pick up things for me from the store and he would give me the piss poor excuses like o my back and leg hurts or if i order it on line can you pick it up and i said what the fuck is the point of that but i said but when you ask me to do something for you i do it but i said when i ask you to do something for me all I get is fucken excuses and we would fight over that shit cause it would piss me off so bad cause if he asked me to do something for him i had to do it right then and there and another thing would piss me off with me when you ask him to do something it would find a 101 excuses to get out of shit and there was another time i asked him to do it he would go and ask the kids to do it instead and i said bull fucken shit i said i asked you to do it not the kids and i said that is fucken bull shit and i said stop being so fucken lazy and giving excuses . And you know i thought he would change for the better but when he lost both of his parents 2 yrs apart he got fucken worse on shit and you know i figure he would grow up more fuck no i was wrong on that to cause all i saw that came out of him was pure evil and laziness and a spoiled fucken brat and a fucken narcissist and this man would take full responsibility on anything he did wrong but when i did something bad omg i would tear my self down like no tomorrow and when i got in to 2 car accidents the first one was a elder man fault but the second time i was coming out of a subdivision and it was winter time and i was making a left turn out of it and i came to pull out and i hit a sheet of black ice and my car did a 180 spin and i hit another truck and let me tell you and it was due to i wanted something to eat and i asked him if he would get me something and he was off of work and of course he told me no his back hurt or his leg hurt it was always something with him so anyways i went out and when the accident happen i told him and holy shit he yelled at me and said now your insurance is going to go up since you had 2 accidents in 6 months and i was crying i was so up set and he didn't ask if i was alright he was more worried about the fucken car and all got to say was karma got his ass he got in to a accident and it was not his fault though someone hit back in of his jeep wrangler but i was in the jeep to and let me tell you it fucken his back axles and that scratched the paint on the driver side and let me tell you i did not say a word i was supportive but he was pissed off let me tell you but what got me tho if i did wrong he would yell at me and scold me like no other but when he did something fucked up or bad i really did not say anything cause i figure he was hard on him self i would just be to comfort him but when i needed to be comforted i sure in the hell did not get it, I just felt like he did not truly love me at all and after that i completely shut my self down to him and i found my self in a deep dark depression cause i felt like no matter what i did it was never good enough and he would never go out of his way for me like i did him and the fucked up thing was when we used to live in Troy IL and there was a Play Station game he wanted and the closest town was Collinsville IL but they did not have that Game Stop so i called around to the Alton IL game stop and Alton IL is like 31 min drive and i did it because i knew how much he wanted that game but if something was out of the way for me and he would have to drive it he would find ways to get out of it but when he was around his friends he would act all he was a good man and that he did everything for me and you bet your sweet asses i called him out on his shit in front of his friends and omg he did not like that and i made sure he could not wiggles his ass out of it either lol and let me tell you the looks that he got lol it was price less . I have never all my life had a man treat me like that cause his ass would of been gone but I kept wondering why in the fuck did i stay with him and gave him all these chances and all only thing i could think of was i was hoping he would change and the 15 yrs i was with him you think he would better him self but instead i had to better my self and take care of me cause i sure in the hell knew he was not going to do it . I know there are good men out there that work there asses off and treat there wives or girl friends with love and kindness and respect and spoil them from time to but still treat them with love and kindness and respect. but the only thing i got was alot of bull shit and broken promises and fucken PSTD out of it and he does not care and he does not take full responsibility for any thing he acts like he is a good man and he makes sure he acts all big and bad and i am like one of these days someone bigger than you will knock you on your ass for mistreating a woman and when they do i want first row seats of it all lol , I have been through enough shit in my life that is sadden from losing alot of family memebers that died in a years time than one of them being my own dad and let me tell you after 15 yrs i still miss him alot, I never took anything for granted in my life cause my father always told me you want something you earn it or your husband buys it for you cause if you get things handed to you you will not appreciated cause you will not take care of it .
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I never thought it would be so hard to heal from this pain that Paul caused me and he don't care either and the fucked up thing about it was one time when we spilt up he went on line and the girl that came over to his house she was related to me but i did not know who she was but she was one of my grandpa great grandkids i am like holy shit you must like keeping in the family don't ya and he was like when she said your grandma name i did not want it to go anywhere and i said your a piece of shit that is disgusting and i truly lost all respect for him and it was killing are relationship and he did not care one so ever.
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Then here was thing to with him anything dealing with hygiene he thought he knew about specially for women im like your so full of shit us women have to be clean down there and i was having medical issues with my stomach i had some kind of bacteria in my gut that was making me hit the bathroom alot and i was going through alot of toilet paper and then body wash he would get pissed over that shit and when i would try to explain to him why and even the doctors would tell him why i was doing that and that still was not good enough and he tells the Doctors well i do not have that issues and they said well cause your not a woman that why and the doctor gave him the evil look i have ever seen . So yea i was damn if i do and damn if i don't but you know what at least i am clean and another thing was he was to lazy to wipe his back side we had a bidet and he would spray his ass and i said your to lazy to wipe your back side and he said it was hard to reach back there and this man was close to 390lbs and he said it was hard to wipe so much back there and i said well lose some of that weight you won't have that problem and but with him it was not about his weight he was just to fucken lazy to do shit cause he would find every easy way out of shit if he could find it and that was just how he was but all know i felt like i wasted 15 yrs with this piece of shit . Even tho i had it all but it was not what i wanted I wanted a man to love me respect me don't lie to me and be sweet and kind and be there for me when i needed them the most and he was not there a 100% of the time . I just wanted to feel i was loved and wanted i did not care about the money and i wanted to have someone spend time with me and be around me instead all i got was what he wanted to do. Paul would make me feel like i was a burden all the time i would hate to ask him for stuff cause i did not know if I was going to get yelled at or judged or questioned and i sure in the hell did not want to be in a marriage like that anymore.
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At least the man i am married to know at least he does not mistreat me like Paul did and at least my husband now don't get mad if i wake him up over something i need to know and at least when i fall down i know my new husband will pick me up and comfort me and stand beside me and can not say that about Paul
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