Chris jumps off the motorcycle which is parked right next to the batmobile in the parking lot of a cinnabon in cinnabon nebraska. It’s cold.
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“It’s cold.” Chris says Thorndykingly.
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“That’s to make the cinnabons cook better, they make it colder here.” Shadow walked into the Cinnabon inside of the mall in Nebraska that the Cinnabon was inside of. “We are here to find Gene Tackovick, he is a Cinnabon manager.”
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“Um, this is Cooper’s Bar.” Responds a blonde woman who looks annoying. “Cinnabon is right over there.” she says and points at the Cinnabon which is right over there.
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Shadow looked over at the cinabon that was right over there and grumbled and walked over the cinnabon that was right over there. “Im here for your regional manager.”
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“what” a tall bored gray wolf at the counter was looking at Shadow “why do you want Gene”
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Shadow scoffed and walked away with his arms crossed. “Chris, talk to this cringe core furry incel.”
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“Hi, Legoshi Beastars.” Chris says reading his nametag, “We need to speak to your manager because we need his secret lawyering skills.”
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Gene Takovic walks out and pats Legoshi on the shoulder.
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“Hi, I’m Gene Takovic. Did you know you don’t have rights? Well the Cinnabon terms of service says you don’t.”
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“Gene!!” Shadow walked over to the counter and looked at Gene Takovik. “We need to talk, I’m a friend of Gerald Robotnik and Lalo Salamanca.”
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“Lalo???” Gene says and starts crying profusely.
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“It was Ignacio! Amigo del cartel! Amigo del cartel!”
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“Shut the fuck up about Nacho Varga, he is cringe and dead, boomer. Can we talk in your fridge that you store dough in?” Shadow pointed at the fridge that they store dough in.
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“Yes, okay. We can talk in the fridge that I store dough in.” Gene says and they all walk to the fridge that they store dough in but there is not any dough and Batman is crying in a corner.
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“Do not notice that man of bats.” Gene says.
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“Saul, we need your lawyering! I saw the American Greed documentary about your life, I know you have the lawyering skills to save me! I need you to talk Fang and his outlaws out of murdering me!” Chris says.
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“Fang the Sniper is trying to kill Chris, we need you to sue him so he won’t, I hate raccoons or whatever he is.”
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Saul scratches his chin.
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“Chris, what disabilities do you have?” Saul asks.
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“Um, none.”
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Saul breaks Chris’s leg and then puts it in a cast.
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“Perfect.” Saul says and puts on a bright pink reflective suit.
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“Oh my God, you broke my leg!” Chris says, “you are the worst lawyer ever!”300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCml5lPb4L
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“I just broke your leg,” Saul says reasonably, “I’m the best lawyer ever.”
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“I love Saul goodman, I’m so glad I called Saul.” Shadow punches Chris in the leg that was broken.
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Legosi was staring at the two and looked angry “gene can you stop being Saul goodman and please help there is a ok nvm I don’t care anymore”
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shadow gave legoshi a thumbs up and punched Chris
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“Legoshi Beastars where is all the dough” Chris says suspiciously while cradling his leg which is twisted in three different ways and is bleeding.
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“I don’t care” legoshi walked away to go on his date with that other guy I forgot his name
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Shadow put on a bright red reflective suit “I’m gonna go back to my roots and become a lawyer again.” Shadow pulled a card out of his wallet. “my New Mexico State bar license hasn’t expired so that means I can be lawyer again”
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They all congratulate Shadow for being a lawyer again and hide how disappointed they are in his choices in life.
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Saul leaves the fridge and sees the blonde woman in Cooper’s Bar.
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“Oh no…” Saul says worryingly.
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Shadow walked over to the woman and punched her in the face and walked away “I dealt with the feet that could’ve distracted you.”
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“It’s not her, it’s even worse…my ex-sister in law, Bim Lexler.” Saul says and starts crying while the blonde woman walks over angrily.
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“Oh fuck” shadow left
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shadow came back and was holding a hot pretzel he got from an Auntie Anne’s cart on the other side of the mall. “I hate women”
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Saul got done crying after Bim Lexler beat him up while reciting Amy Schumer jokes.
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“Okay, lets go meet this Fang person and lawyer all over him!” Saul snaps his phone in half out of excitement to be returning to his old lawyering days.
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“Yeah!” Chris says and then turns to Shadow, “how do we find fang???”
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“Idk” shadow shrugged and ate his pretzel and felt bad cause pretzels make you feel bad
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“I have a feeling this Fang fellow may be a very hard individual to find,” Saul says, “I may have to call a colleague down from vacation in Belize…”
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Fang crashes through the ceiling and starts no scoping everyone but missing because he doesn’t play call of duty.
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Shadow tugged on his jacket and cleared his throat. “It’s showtime.” Shadow walked towards Fang. “Ladies, gentlemen, cringe raccoons, I’m here to present my opening argument.” Shadow put out his hands.
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“Who are you callin’ raccoon, pard’ner?” Fang says like a raccoon would.
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“You, trash man.” Shadow pointed at Fang. “Now, killing people is pretty cringe, can we agree, ladies and gentlemen of the jury?” The people in the mall food court all said yes and nodded in agreement.
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Fang looks at Shadow from under his hat.
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“Oh, so Mr. Thorndyke got hisself a attuhrney, did he? Well then, lets even this here little horse race!” Fang says and points at Saul Goodman.
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“Saul, I choose you!” Fang yells and then gives Saul a dollar.
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Saul looks regrettably at Shadow and Chris and says “I’m sorry, but legally as the law states I must defend him in this mall of law.” Saul says and sadly walks to the raccoon.
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Chris is pretty upset and looks at Shadow.
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“Shadow, you need to save me! If you don’t, Fang will do bad things!” Chris says and falls over because he let go of his crutches.
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“Of course I will, Flynn—“ Shadow stopped himself, and sighed. “I’m sorry, you just.. remind me of somebody that I used to know.”
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“A-a-a-after this do you wanna get breakfast?” Chris asks hungrily.
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Shadow stared at Chris, eyes watering. “Yeah, buddy… We’ll get all the breakfast you want…”
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Saul walks before the mall of law and points at Chris Thorndyke.
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“Now, members of the jury, the defendant Mr Thorndyke, is undeniably, really stupid.”
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Shadow scoffed. “Dammit, he’s right.”
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“And I’m sure if I were in an xbox live chat I’d get a big ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’ to that. So why are we even here? I for one say we hand him over to Fang, who will keep him away from all you good citizens. It’s what God would want, praise the lord.” Saul says and puts on the Jewish hat.
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Shadow walked forward, arms crossed, and chuckled. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I think you’ll find that Saul Goodman is a stupid poopoo dummy head. Who even IS the god of the Jewish Bible?. I rest my case.” Shadow walked away and sat down on the bench next to Chris. “We got this in the bag.” Shadow lit a cigarette and started smoking, putting one in Chris’ mouth and lighting it for him.
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Saul pointed at Shadow in outrage and screamed.
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“DO YOU SEE THIS MEMBERS OF THE JURY? ANTI SEMETISM IN CLEAR DAYLIGHT!”
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“Bruh.” Shadow smoked
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“How can you in good conscious side yourself with a self proclaimed NAZI???”
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Batman runs out of the fridge.
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“How could you say such a thing, Shadow… I am Jewish, and I can’t believe you would say that. I’m the god damn Batman! Why would you say that about me???”
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“This is what’s wrong about all of these Jewish people…”
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Author’s note: I am not snti smieitc I just think that shapdw is a bad guy so he thinmls bad things like anyi ewish
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“Your honor, I was never anti-semitic! I was simply asking a religious question! However, I still stand by my case, Mister Goodman is a stupid doodoo head!”
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Wakko Warner, the judge, scratched his chin. “Yeah okay”
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“Fang the Sniper is trying to commit a horrific, disgusting, hate crime! A terrible action against this child, due to his disturbing disability!” Shadow punched Chris in the leg.
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Chris cried out blood which smells a lot like fruit punch and which came out of a kool aid jammers juice pack.
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“Yes!” Chris yells, “I hurt so much right now oh my God it hurts!”
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Saul flicks his jacket forward cooly and slicks his hair back and walks into the middle of the mall with a smirk.
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“Your honor, Mr. Warner, how can it be considered a hate crime,” Saul motions to Fang, “if my client loved doing it?”
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Everyone in the jury gasps and even Bim Lexler is stunned in amazement at how amazing that point is. Wow.
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“Chris we’re so fucked” shadow was shaking and crying at that point “there’s only one way I can win this case… Your honor!” Shadow walked up to the judge. “I would like to call a witness to the stand, to testify that Chris is not cringe and should not be killed by this loser.”
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“Hmmmm…” Wakko tapped on the podium he was sitting behind. “Yeah alright buddy, but don’t waste my time! I got important things ta’ get to!”
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Shadow nodded. “Your honor… I’d like to call Phoenix Wright to the stand!”
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Phoenix Wright busted into the Cinnabon, covered in Miles Edgeworth’s lipstick. “IM HERE!!!”
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Saul Goodman’s smile dropped and a look of abject horror spread across his face. The same lawyer who had resurrected his brother Chuck, even in the face of opposition against Harold “Harry” Hamlin, was back and ready to beat him down once again and prove who the best lawyer in Japanifornia really is.
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“Hi Phoenix.” Chris says while playing on his 3DS.
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Phoenix nodded at Chris. “What’s good lil bro” Phoenix put his briefcase on his bench and opened it, pulling out papers and smacking them. “Your honor, if you look at these papers right here, you’ll see that Chris is actually awesome and based. He has killed many people, which makes him strong and cool, even though he is disabled.”
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“that’s not why I brought you here”
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“Shut the fuck up shadow this is why I hate hedgehogs”
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“C-conjecture your honor! Murder is illegal! Everyone knows that! This is super bad and cringe of him to do, not based! Not based at all.” Saul shakes his head, trying to keep himself composed.
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The tension amongst the crowd members is nearly palpable, Bim Lexler eats twenty hot peppers and does a ritual in the name of Amy Schumer and Batman hugs his baseball bat passed down from Mae Borowski to Rick Grimes to Bruce Wayne to Batman.
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“Buddy.” Wakko looked at Saul. “This is a court, nobody cares about the law.”
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Phoenix smirked, and pointed at Saul. “Kill yourself.” Phoenix walked out of the food court and got a hot pretzel on the way.
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“You’re good brody we got him” shadow dapped up Chris
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Saul cries and the police take him away after Saul gives the keys to Legoshi who just got back from his date with that one guy named Lewes or something.
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Fang grits his teeth and his tooth pick snaps.
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“You may ‘ave bested me this time, but I won’t let you get the best’a this ol’ weasel again!” Fang yells and hops away because he’s a kangaroo.
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Chris finishes eating his cigarette.
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“That went pretty well.” Chris says and then snaps his 3DS in half because the companion from Sword and Shield is really stupid and annoying.
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“Hop was a retread of Hau, but I like Hop, he might’ve been a bland rival but he wasn’t annoying like Barry and Wally.” Shadow took off his jacket and kept eating his pretzel.
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Wakko was buying a Cinnabon but couldn’t because they were all out.
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“I’m glad Saul didn’t wise up and call that one blind lawyer asshole guy to the stand, we would’ve been fucked like some cringecore zoomers.”
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“What can a blind guy even do,” Chris says, “he can’t even do anything cool like fight crime or whatever.”
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“Wowwww, the disabled guy is being ableist. Cripical.”
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Author’s note: I am not ableist I sahed hat so chashow can loom like ba fguy
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“Okay, do you want to get a cinnabon for breakfast, Shadow?” Chris asks Chrissily and throws away his crutches cause he’s done being disabled now.
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“Yeah sure.” Shadow walked over to the Cinnabon in fashion square mall but was stopped by a rock wrapped in a red string hitting him.
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Someone pulled the string back in. “I-I’m sorry, that was meant for a- for my sweetheart..”
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“You’re good.” Shadow smiled at the man in the red and blue shirt and walked over to the Cinnabon. “I’ll get one Cinnabon… To go.” Lightning struck behind shadow.
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The end of chapter 7 or something idk
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