“Alfred,” Batman said, “I need to think about what’s been going on recently. I’m going to Cinnabon.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAEGdYu6yp2Y
“Yes sir, very good.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANA94teAAZ1EE
Batman gets in the Batmobile and activates Ludicrous speed, and ends up at Cinnabon in Omaha Nebraska. He walks up to the counter to order his cinnabon food.
356Please respect copyright.PENANApGAUFCeKxr
“Welcome to Cinnabon, how may I help you?” Says a bored gray wolf from behind the counter.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAuaVregovgn
“I would like a cinnamon roll, please.” Batman says.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAqgUIilN61Z
“Sorry, we don’t sell cinnamon rolls anymore.” Legoshi says.
356Please respect copyright.PENANApaOV5JwUzk
“What the hell do you mean!” Batman yells, “This is a Cinnabon!”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAic1gF6rwOa
“Sir, please calm down.”356Please respect copyright.PENANApYCObQcbLN
356Please respect copyright.PENANAZjb33Y9M7n
“Calm down? Do you know who I am?!? I’m the goddamn Batman! I want to speak to your manager.”356Please respect copyright.PENANA2iyX1KvULk
356Please respect copyright.PENANAYoznBofluI
Legoshi sighs.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAztCheWH35k
“Gene,” he calls, “there’s an unhappy customer who wants to see you.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAaWzGawsISA
“Hi, I’m Gene Takovic,” Gene says, walking through the door, “did you know you don’t have rights? Well, the Cinnabon terms of service says you don’t.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAtlq13vOtvX
“I want a Cinnabon! And I want it now!” Yells Batman
356Please respect copyright.PENANAf4X4okszSe
“Why don’t we go speak over there, Mr. Man,” Gene says and points to a restaurant on the other side of the mall called Cooper’s Bar.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAv90IfQ0rM2
Batman and Gene walk over to Cooper’s Bar and sit down.
356Please respect copyright.PENANA78YQRTvMxY
“Now you see,” Gene says, “Cooper’s Bar has almost put us out of business. We don’t have any money to make cinnamon rolls anymore.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAND2WfWSGKf
Suddenly an angry blonde woman walks in.
356Please respect copyright.PENANA2YRmqtGF1L
“Oh no…” Gene says.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAP0Ij74oesD
“What, who is she?” Batman says, “is she a villain?
356Please respect copyright.PENANAHEM0VzkZ2I
“Worse." Gene says, “My ex-wife Kim Sexler, biggest dick in Hollywood.”356Please respect copyright.PENANAt1ap7yZENt
356Please respect copyright.PENANAdfTTob9zMD
“WHERE IS AMY SCHUMER YOU BASTARD???” Kim screams and then drop kicks a three year old child.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAoeL0WVP5SA
Batman stands up.356Please respect copyright.PENANAG4pMbrWdSS
356Please respect copyright.PENANAlF5qczo2X4
“I will not stand for this abuse and violence against children!” He yells, “You’re going straight to Arkham Asylum.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAxjfRq9tJKH
Kim looks deep into Batman’s soul and for five minutes she stares at him in complete silence, unblinking.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAB8EQsstnwv
“Ok.” she finally says.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAOcFEeQGlhT
Batman is so intimidated he runs away and gets in a taxi cab because he forgot the keys to the batmobile.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAJi9Grcifxk
“Take me to the nearest Cinnabon.” Batman says, still hungry for a cinnamon roll.
356Please respect copyright.PENANATCwdlIqCdq
The driver starts driving, and Batman sits back and relaxes. He starts looking out the window, when something catches his attention from the corner of his eye. He has a sticker in the front with Gotham, New Jersey written on it, and realizes he recognizes the driver as a passerby after his parents’ murder.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAFVMhQ0ABL5
Batman starts sweating. Is it possible he could see through his disguise? No, surely not! He must trust in his disguise.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAyokkMBLLqq
Suddenly the taxi driver turned around, and Batman quickly jumped out the window of the moving car to defuse the situation.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAzYbNzvKLBV
He walked up to a man standing around with a baseball bat.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAfBXEBT1vbt
“Sir,” Batman says, “do you know where a billionaire CEO vigilante who dresses up like a bat could go to get a cinnamon roll around here?”
356Please respect copyright.PENANARfy1MCfVhQ
“Yes, I know of a place exactly like you speak of,” the man says and points to a huge tall building in the sky, “It’s called the Citadel, but no one can get to it.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAwSbyXF4VjK
“And why is that?”356Please respect copyright.PENANAdfytOtAklr
356Please respect copyright.PENANA44WKlt69f3
“Because Kim Sexler, biggest dick in hollywood, is keeping it from us, and even I, Rick Grimes, have no hope of defeating her.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANA69hSryhQIa
Rick looked at his baseball bat.
“This was the baseball bat of my best friend, Mae Borowski. She died trying to get that cinnamon roll…”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAwbUeJj13Vd
“I know how it feels to lose someone close to you.” Batman says, remembering how he lost his teddy bear Cletus in the movie theater before his parents were murdered.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAuSGHBuEFwJ
Batman put his hand on Rick’s shoulder.
356Please respect copyright.PENANATi07x6QGpN
“I will help you find the cinnamon roll, and then we will eat it. Together.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANACLQSWzbpqi
Batman and Rick began their journey to the famed cinnamon roll, killing the zombies of people who have been deprived of cinnamon rolls too long.
356Please respect copyright.PENANArxVgarnQRM
Suddenly a man who neither Batman nor Rick had ever seen before ran up to them.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAu2pB65arxl
“Hey, Batman!” He yelled excitedly, “remember me?”356Please respect copyright.PENANAXTHAOg51Xz
356Please respect copyright.PENANAs9ld1AA6Xv
“What, no,” Batman says, “I’ve never seen you before in my life.”
“From the taxi cab earlier, remember?” he said, disappointed.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAwbTzKocfts
“No, the guy from the taxi cab looked way different and scarier. You look like you probably use 4chan.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAJhcb4N39YH
He crossed his arms.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAHoxCYXZWnr
“My name Jeff,” Jeff says, “and you will take me with you.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAImYW8Wfkyb
“Fine whatever but you’re stupid.” Batman says, and Batman, Jeff, and Rick finally reach the Citadel and spend 10 hours going up elevators when the elevator stops. The door opens into a small chamber and they walk in, and Rick’s bat and Batman’s batarangs and Jeff’s taxi keys are pulled away from them.
356Please respect copyright.PENANARa6vkUYFbs
Lightning shot out of the walls and struck their weapons, and they began to glow blue. They picked up their weapons and the door opened up to reveal an army of Amy Schumer clones, all screaming terrible jokes about men as loud as they could.
356Please respect copyright.PENANArwkAh49NMy
Rick Grimes looked at his bat, and remembered the last time he came here. He remembered seeing Mae ripped apart by Amy Schumer right in front of his eyes. He slowly looked up and Heartbreaker by Pat Benetar began playing over speakers on loop.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAvzuHaqCaDl
“This time…it’s personal.” He says.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAtRATEkIr3E
They rush into combat, all fighting valiantly. Jeff slices through Amy clones effortlessly with his key, Batman’s batarang becomes an Amy Schumer seeking weapon of destruction, and Rick obliterates each clone who attacks him with a single blow from his bat. They quickly begin making their way through the massive crowd.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAaRBjZzIETY
“Don’t Look Up is the name of the movie? More like don’t look down the barrel of Alec Baldwin’s shotgun!” Screams one of the Schumers and punches Batman in the face, knocking him down to the ground. Jeff tries to stab her but she yells “My husband goes down on me, or as he calls it Squid Game, so he’s in my Nightmare Alley, my House of Gucci, I say C’mon C’mon, he goes tick tick BOOM, he Belfast. I say get off my Dune and that’s how our son was born.” and Jeff is so shocked at how horrible what he just heard is that he drops his key and starts crying.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAoVjgDRBPi0
“Impossible, it can’t be!” Rick yells, “It’s the real Amy Schumer!”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAd9P6OEGeEc
“Then the only way we can beat her,” Jeff says, “is by telling a joke so great she can’t possibly go on!”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAx7bcPgyFNR
“Knock knock!” Yells Batman.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAooW2Wv91Uo
“Who’s there?” Says Amy Schumer.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAQk4LcYcYQX
“Doctor.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAJavzCVkFpC
Amy grins psychotically, like a murderer stalking their victim.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAnm598CjOYD
“Oh, that’s alright!” She yells, “We don’t need a doctor, the ambulance already showed up!”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAiAVseNWAmX
Batman and Jeff scream in agony at how quickly and terribly she defused his joke.
356Please respect copyright.PENANANF6joHBCp6
Rick had other plans. Suddenly they felt the temperature drop from 90 degrees to 76 degrees, and Amy Schumer’s smile faded.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAf778j7Mhzz
“No! Not 76 degrees, anything but that!” Amy yelled, “The optimal temperature for comedic timing!”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAPxpEzPQrjv
Rick stands 50-80 centimeters from her and raises one of his arms straight upward at a fifteen degree angle from his body, setting up all the conditions perfectly for ideal humor.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAaFMDg9OIn7
Amy screeches louder than any human ever has before while Rick states and spells his name, provides a brief synopsis of the joke including the specific times she’ll laugh, and spells out his name a second time.
“Knock knock.” Rick says.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAZgXxOCnyvg
“Wh-who’s there?”356Please respect copyright.PENANAuE3mWIJaLi
356Please respect copyright.PENANAowvL11lNBh
“Banana.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAFwZ7TLfTI3
“Banano who?”356Please respect copyright.PENANAKC9GEWotGU
356Please respect copyright.PENANAniOa5lRKYN
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAYqcMlkbjRg
“Banana.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAJgfdimi13m
“Banano who?”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAk7Y7O4BSp5
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAyUoWTGcwso
“Banana.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANABwNjCWGIwt
“Banano who?”
“Orange.”356Please respect copyright.PENANAyxemV1ImhG
356Please respect copyright.PENANABw0zAPjf23
“Orange who?”356Please respect copyright.PENANAxBzLbEIe0X
356Please respect copyright.PENANApqID1YMiOO
“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAecYqNTG3BG
Amy’s heart stops, and she falls to the ground dead as Heartbreaker by Pat Benetar finally stops.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAtZ9aL6TbzD
“I’m doney,” Rick says, “with the funny.”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAxqEbvsDA76
They all look at each other, and nod their heads in agreement, and wade through the corpses of Amy Schumer to the huge metal door.
356Please respect copyright.PENANANImMhHZKFf
Suddenly it opens into a huge room with Kim Sexler, biggest dick in hollywood, standing in the middle, and at the end the final cinnamon roll.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAnkumOSR70j
“So, you three killed Amy Schumer?”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAVXkAA3Ssjq
“Y-yes.” Batman says, already feeling intimidated again.
“...Ok.” Kim says.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAdO7r6D4MPd
All three of them almost start crying out of fear, but keep themselves composed.
356Please respect copyright.PENANASXbB2Bkz0v
They each begin attacking from different angles, but she expertly dodges each hit.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAcWMcJizMQC
Finally, Rick’s bat connects with her torso but the bat explodes, throwing Rick back.
356Please respect copyright.PENANA3kEFslTsj7
“H-how?” He asks.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAUN7cNSAbyQ
“Nanomachines, son.” Kim says with a smirk and then breaks his back, killing him.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAUJIgDeNx3Q
“NO!” Jeff yells and rushes at her.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAeE1kxcldiD
Without even a thought Kim hits him over the head with a cup that says “World’s 2nd Best TV Executive” and Jeff slips and hits his head and dies.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAjEYARJ7INY
Recognizing he has no chance of ever winning, Batman quickly shuffles back away from her in terror, when he remembers what his Uncle Ben told him all those years ago.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAz845fCPPMe
“Memes, Bruce.” Ben said, “Memes are the DNA of the soul. With great power comes great responsibility. When life gives you lemons, burn life’s house down! Do you know who ate all the donuts?”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAMeF3lxQA6I
Inspired by his Uncle’s wise words, he was able to catch Kim Sexler’s attack.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAWPtEa7HCOt
They exchanged punches so quickly that it was impossible for the naked eye to detect, each tanking every single blow. Batman knew what he must do to defeat Kim and finally get that cinnamon roll, he must break his one and only rule. Batman takes out a Desert Eagle and shoots Kim through the face.
356Please respect copyright.PENANARC63r9chwG
“I, I….” Kim says, struggling to stay alive, “this is…chicanery.” And then she drops dead.
356Please respect copyright.PENANArE1k9NXn26
Finally, nothing stood between Batman and his cinnamon roll. All this work, all this violence, all this bloodshed, this is what it was for. He slowly walked towards it, chills going down his spine just thinking about it.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAEL0jX5vMwG
"I'm sorry we couldn't eat it together like I wanted, Rick," Batman says, "but I will eat it for the both of us."
356Please respect copyright.PENANAlrE69l8bvW
Suddenly Legoshi picked up the cinnamon roll and ate it.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAhSLAE03aEg
“WHAT?” Screamed Batman.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAoDWlU9haEY
“Welcome to Cinnabon, how may I help you?” Legoshi says.
356Please respect copyright.PENANA03dhJ7kXXv
“P-please,” Batman says, “I just want a cinnamon roll.”356Please respect copyright.PENANAOyYrnRg9C6
356Please respect copyright.PENANAmBSwm8OjPn
“Sir, I already told you we’re out of cinnamon rolls. Do I need to call my manager again?”
356Please respect copyright.PENANAgo44dAhfd2
Batman slowly fell to his knees and then onto his side, and began crying on the floor.
356Please respect copyright.PENANAMmjuwlAdXx
THE END.
ns3.144.105.204da2