81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmTxw2WCPm
March 21, 1995
It's been a while since I last wrote. There isn't much on my mind as of right now. 81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4Ub2i32vZ
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVJdvAFGiW
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4NQc5hpv5
April 25, 1995
I'm dropping out of college and my parents aren't happy about that. I don't even care though.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMixNCgHvIx
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7roM9Tiyd9
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzRE30CpAJ
May 30, 1995
I wish you came chasing after me. I wish you grabbed me and told me to stay. I wish you told me you needed me to stay. I want to feel your warmth on my cheek again. I want you to tell me you love me as much as I love you. But it's been months since that day and I haven't gotten a drunk call confessing your love yet; confessing your guilt. I contemplate whether I should reach out or not but the urge of wanting you to reach out first is what stops me. 81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLvmQcVrHa
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrulOqNMYD1
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqp4oMTi1z
June 12, 1995
Listen Ann...you idiot! You'll never get this chance again....but if I do I promise I'll tell the truth. If I don't I'll just spend the rest of my life regretting this. Regretting never calling you, never letting you know. 81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSReYnOPlTV
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbFAzFVFCT
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8ZO5XZr2I
June 26, 1995
My pride and fear are keeping me from contacting you. 81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQa2jqagAx
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgCfYyaYhJ
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3hmZ1RM7E
July 8, 1995
It's my birthday today and I'm turning 23. Another year where I can say I fail at living out my life and another year to say I fail at taking my life.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNRWr5b4IH
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVXgUOYPOE
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZKoB9f0xo
July 9, 1995
I waited exactly a whole day and you still did not ring me to wish me a happy birthday. Maybe you forgot or maybe you just didn't care. I'm stupid anyway.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQpKFEKAOi
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAK8gnlcs7F
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKLVnCaQIV
July 10, 1995
Through drunken mishap nights, I confess my love and guilt through pen and paper. Confess for example; Why can't I be brave? Why am I so afraid of you? We were together for three years. what is there to be afraid of? Why do I love you still? 81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wAOMELom9
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWXq3sgz2D
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeU41qoeFS
July 11, 1995
I'm so pretentious.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJTOPwVuAh
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QrM9Den3z
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJG2DWkpbH
July 17, 1995
I called Kant last night and we got into an argument. He told me that he loves me but did not love my situation. I asked him if he could please meet me so that I could get some closure but he believes that he doesn't own me that. I felt so pathetic but I couldn't stop crying. I kept begging for him to please see me and let me live out my fantasy one last time. He said no but eventually, he agreed to meet up. We're due to meet up tomorrow morning for brunch.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCpUcVParE
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtNqklhsSH
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtoFdciiWr
July 18, 1995
I'm so nervous that I couldn't sleep all night. I felt like calling him and asking him if we can postpone it to next week because I wasn't ready. I want to look my best when he sees me again. I know that I've gained some weight but I'm hoping that I can hide that with clothes. Anyway, I gotta get ready to go see Kant.
I went to this small cafe near his school. It had a Paris at night style of decor. It was small with about maybe 30 seating. I arrived first and sat there hand in hand, nervously waiting. I kept looking at the door. I was so nervous. fifteen minutes went by and I'm starting to sweat. Thirty-minute went by and I'm starting to lose hope. An hour goes by and I'm starting to plan my escape, I felt so ashamed and stupid. I look over to the door and just when I thought he had arrived, it was someone else. I got up and left.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLYnzNBoCx
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5byrowQJ0
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrSj6PAmJ2
July 19, 199581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4BVApUXif
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrzpCwcBhX
The glow of the city lights below shaded my room a warm bitter orange. It was comforting for me. It was enough. I felt this loneliness all night last night. It wasn't the loneliness of a broken heart but the loneliness of being human.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjEja1kWaF
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgydSSADY4
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6NJagI9xz
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gVWOWOD3R
July 20, 199581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiRpsQ56Te
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeo8pCjgMMo
I kept imagining us but the more I try to think of you the harder it is for me. I didn't bother calling because I knew I would give in to your excuses. I rather face the fact that you just don't love me anymore. I need it to hurt, I need to come to terms so that I can move on with my life. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself by letting you go, I mean you were there through the turbulence of my youth. We held each other through it all. You held me through all of those endless bleak nights and I held you till the sun bleeds into the cold blue of your room. We drank and cried and drank again. You taught me how to be alive and I taught you how to live. How can you give that all up? How can you just wake up one day and not love me? Everything I do is for you. I love you like no one else. I love you more than anyone else ever did. What is the reason, why did you leave me? I'm not ready to leave you. I still love you.81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqrE6dBGs6
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxFP4ecthC
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfwKlIpF1r
October 29, 199581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5zRPTiMlI
81Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cUFLXuKzl
Sorry I haven't been writing much. I haven't been doing much, to be honest. So much has been happening but I just don't know what to say. I guess I'll start with this...I got a job recently, I bag groceries at my uncle's grocery store. It isn't great but it's helping me get by until I figure out what I want to do. I also moved back home, my sister and I share a bedroom. I'm not that close to her and plus she is going through teen angst at the moment so I rather not talk to her. My mom keep bitching at me to get my shit together and honestly, I am trying to. I really am. I'm just in a weird place right now. She thinks I'm weak and is stupid and blames everything on my breakup with Kant. She thinks I drop out of school because of Kant; that I don't have my life together because of Kant. She thinks I'm sad all the time because of Kant but I wish I could just tell her the truth; I Wish I could be honest. I think I was always like this. Actually, Kant probably broke up with me because I'm always like this. I didn't realize it till recently but I think I made him sad. He isn't the bad guy here, I am. I'm like a virus that affects anyone in my radius. All I do is bring people down. I don't know but this whole break up made me really frustrated. I spend nights walking around the city trying to find something to be mad about and get mad when I don't find anything to be mad about. It's a sad sad life I lead. I just have so much anger and I don't know why I'm mad. I just want to fight someone. I just want someone to beat me up and put me in my place. I have no right for being this angry. Who do I think I am. What is wrong with me. This world is so cruel for having someone so ugly like me to live in it. This world is so cruel. I just want to cry out of frustration. I don't know why I'm like this but I just hate everyone and myself.
