Sometimes you have to give up from everything you want even if it hurts you so much.Maybe that is the rule of the life.We don't know that.But in our lives, we just cant accept this truth.
LOVE.
I never wanted to believe the idea that love exists because I thought it was just a feeling of emptiness in the brain.When my friends told me they were in love most of the time, I was always curious about that feeling, but one part of me was never accepting the reality of it.I didn't know why I couldn't accept it, but a voice inside me insisted it was wrong.But as I write these sentences right now, I am confronted with the fact that most things have changed, and most of all myself has changed.As we grow, as we get new experiences, when we suffer, we all change, but that doesn't make us weak people, on the contrary, we become more powerful, because if we don't suffer, we cannot understand that we are human beings.
These words are now slipping down from my hands because this is the only place I can share my feelings.
I miss you so much.
I miss you so much..
PRESENT
It was coming also 6.am but we were still talking on the facebook. He was so talkative and that just surprised me. He was talking about his feelings for Melissa and the only thing I could do at that moment was listening. Actually, this situation did not upset me because I wanted Melissa to be happy.
"So, do you think that Melissa likes me too?" he typed.
"Believe me, she does."
"You are so good Love.Thank you for your time.It's coming almost 6.am but you are still talking with me.No one would do this."
"It's okay Jack. I do everything for my friend."
"Good night Love."
"Good night Jake"
Then I closed my eyes..
After 2 hours my alarm ringed and I had to jump out of the bed. My head was cracking from pain, I would almost fall to the floor until I went to the bathroom.When I came to the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror and decided to do something good to look better for the school today.After doing a nice makeup, I took my bag from my room and quickly set off towards school.
All my friends were in front of the school, I was going to them but at that moment, I saw Melissa and Jake were kissing.I froze for a moment where I was and I did not know what to do. I wanted to remove a fist that fits into my heart, but I could not find enough strength in myself.I didn't understand exactly what happened to me. It made me really happy to see Melissa happy, but at the same time I really didn't have a feeling for Jake, but I didn't understand why I felt that way.I couldn't get out of this maze.If I had feelings for Jake, I would have accepted it, but I didn't think it happened. Maybe I was just afraid that he might upset Melissa so I was unhappy with this situation.
I went to them and tried not to show anything.
Melissa grabbed Jake's hand with a big smile and lifted it in the air and shouted, "We're officially girlfriend and boyfriend now." then smiled again. Jake was also smiling but not like Melissa.
"Wow finally we can see you guys like this.I'm happy for both of you" I said.
"Thank you" said Jake and smiled.
"I think,after school we should go to the lake." said Melissa.
"I was waiting for this plan" said Lila while she was laughing.
"Completely okay for me.I'm just like you guys anymore" said Ari then we all screamed like "Hell yeah Ari"
By the way, I could feel Jake's gaze at me, but I tried not to have eye contact with him and of course I'm passing this school parts because I know that you all are not interested in this. So let's skip.
We stood by the lake with food and drinks we bought from the market.We all took a sip of our drinks (we were able to get a drink thanks to a familiar friend of Jake.) and were having a good time.Then the desire to swim in the lake suddenly came and said to the people, "I will go a little further and swim, then I will come back guys."
"Why don't you swim in here?" said Melissa.
"I just dont wanna make your clothes wet" and smiled.
"Okay then but be careful Love."
"Don't worry."
I walked forward and walked away from them. It was good to stay alone. I took off my clothes but my underwear remained and jumped into the lake.Although the coldness of the water suddenly made my body tremble, that feeling brought me to myself.I dipped under the water again and left myself alone with my thoughts.It was a really good feeling. But at that moment I saw an reflection outside of the water then scared as hell.I immediately got out of the water and saw Jake.
"What the hell are you doing here? You scared me."
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted be alone with you to thank properly for yesterday."
"There's nothing that you can thank me Jake.Believe me.I do anything for Melissa's happines."
At that moment, I felt as if something was touching my foot and I screamed in the water. Jack was laughing so bad, then I started laughing too.
"That fish scared me tho" I said.
"Believe me I saw it well." he said while laughing.
"Can you help me to get out?"
"Yes of course" and then he grabbed my hands and pulled me to himself to get me out of the water.His hands were on my waist. We were so close that I could feel the warmth in his breath on my face. I was also feeling naked.
"You are cold" he said.
"Yes.The water was a little bit cold." and smiled but I was feeling so uncomfty because we were amazingly close.
"Your heart beats too fast Love."
I immediately got rid of his arms and asked "How did you come here? What did you say to Melissa?" to him.
"I said that I'm going to pee"
"You are such an asshole" I said and laughed. "Jack, it's inappropriate to be together in here right now.If they see us like this,they can get us wrong you know that" I said.
"Why are you afraid that people will see you with me?"
"Because you are my friend's boyfriend duh?"
"So what? Just because of being Melissa's boyfriend doesn't mean that I can't talk to you."
"Just stop okay? Please don't do this.It's not right."
"What did I do to you Love? Just tell me."
"Nothing"
"Then why are you acting like this like we are doing a wrong thing.We are just talking."
"I don't know okay? It just doesnt feel right. Being with you in here, and also i'm with my underwear."
"You look beautiful."
NO NO NO NO HE DIDN'T SAY THIS TO ME. CALM DOWN LOVE.
"melissa looks better believe me" and tried to go from there but he grabbed my arm and made me to turn to him.
"You have no idea how beautiful you are."
He brought his face closer to my face,closed his eyes "Jake please stop it" I closed my eyes too.
"You have no idea about anything right?"
I said "Please just stop it" and pushed him away. "Don't do this again Ever. You are my friend's boyfriend you cant do this to me.You just told me that you liked Melissa yesterday. What's all this right now?"
"You are right. Sorry I'm just too drunk probably wont remember anything tomorrow.I should go" he said and left me here by myself. My heart was beating too fast.
I'm just too drunk probably wont remember anything tomorrow.
He was playing with my feelings. Just at that moment I realized and accepted the truth of that I had feelings for Jake.
God Damn you Jake Fitter.
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