Friday 1 April 2022
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Searching for the lost part of my rib.
You know that one date that first kiss 💋 he's not made from his head to top Me or his foot to walk all over me but by his fragile rib and close to his heart to love abs protect me...
I believe its close to his soul so yes soulmates are made from the rib of a man!
I monica Vokasovich just believed It and here it is an insight into my life...
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It was one spring when the heat was supposed to overratedely hit the big time, and we were told it will worsen and were told never to go out during this dreaded time, but I loved the sun, the humidity and sweat.
I never expected it would drive some people to such extreme levels of mindless behavioural patterns though.
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I often fantasised...
Will this be my first real lover, the first time I hold hands that's not my dad or my brother?
I remembered all my sisters to-do list before I go on my first date!
Well not all of it I just remembered counting several things she did and asked mum for money before a date!
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It was a Boring ole Friday at school and we're just waiting for the bell to ring aren't we!
Or there's me really lost in this incredibly romantic novel I kept on imagining all kinds of things and heard this weird ass tune I couldn't figure out where the damn melody is from dada da da Daaa dadadada daaa dada daaa and then the bell rang!
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I closed my locker and my comic fell to the floor and someone picked it up- "woah you are a Fan of Manz slaughter dudes,"
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"I'm on the 77th edition I really want to get the 78th edition and I'm currently saving up for it,"
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"Awesome I'm on the 42nd edition I just got into it, in pandemic actually its so good to see a girl into it because its mainly dudes,"
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"Yeah I'm into it alright,"
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"Alright so you like a date,"
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"What like to eat?"
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"No haha I mean like we go out somewhere nice and hang out,"
I smiled, but my head was lost in that tune, I didn't want to start dazing nor getting lost in my thoughts, so I cleared my throat...
"Sure,"
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"On Saturday then girl I'll pick you up,"
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"Awesome "
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Then she comes and doesn't stop talking about how she wants to help me.
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"Why were you even listening?"
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"I am telling you it works you must read it or be bombarded with emails."
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Firstly Emily is my older sister and we don't always get along, I remember things about her that I don't hold grudges over like her always changing the channel over when I'm in the middle of an interesting part of a series like stranger things or love island or The apprentice both Usa and UK versions are Awesome!
I liked other things too, but you know she liked things I didn't like...
I was into old UK shows like Balls of steel that she couldn't get into.
Or power which I was into...
She only watched old episodes of Pimp my Ride because she liked the presenter...
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She always had the spotlight and she had her own life, but some how and somewhat always had to know what I'm doing and why I'm wearing a certain outfit?
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She literally always had to give me a hard time over nothing and tells me what to do in certain aspects of life which were really honestly kind of annoying!
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My brother Craig was always out with his friends and so he was more mellow on me or just in his own world so badly that he just didn't care so much- I've yet to figure out if he is a dark empath or a narcissist just yet.
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Mum's a total laid back chilled out vibe, but can easily switch to a control freak or anxious monster in a matter of seconds.
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She once rearranged my entire closet because she thought it would cheer me up? I was mad that day because Emily had a crush on a skater dude and knicked my amazing sneakers the mad skate edition 4's my aunt got me for Christmas and got a mark on them then I come back to find all my sweaters in order of length and colour... my trousers in a nice line from winter to spring, summer and autumn... all my caps were nicely stacked up on two shelves?
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All my shoes were nicely arranged from limited edition to the numbers 1- whatever number and I was shocked that mum did all this.
I had an unlimited edition of items that were collectible and she got me a new chest, obviously I'm still growing so I don't need new calcium cannons, no, no this chest was to rearrange my messy room and put everything in order and I knew where it all was!
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All I could say was thanks mum, but she told me she'd be more angry if she'd worked for the shoe rather than it having a mark, but still thought I deserved a surprise.
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Dad is a real grinder and he be hustling like a bread winning machine, but it goes to waste with his eldest daughter.
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He did join a committee and stash some cash there every week so that at the end of 10 years he said our college tuition is paid off and we have enough to pay for life and medical insurance for 25 years.
My grandparents did this too, but we can't gain access to the money until we are older so we live poor only not poor to the core, but working class people.
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I got asked out by an awesome guy, it was a hot summers day and he asked if we could hang out and it was over a comic!
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Me and my friends talked about it all the way home from school and then the eavesdropping Emily all she could do was bang on and on about her stupid rule sheet.
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I know what you're thinking... how did she find out, she honestly has this way of always getting stuff out of me, or this psychic thing where she can sniff me out, but here goes now she wants to give me advice oh dear lord...
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"I can't believe you got asked out, you must not wear certain things and opt for better options on the first date, do not wear this perfume that you're wearing right now oh what the heck you must read my rule sheet."
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"Do I have to?"
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"Oh yeah or I'll tell dad you pushed me and I'll scream and you'll be in doo doo and most likely grounded so take the damn sheet."
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"Emily I don't know what's got into you I think too much moo moo in your boo boo and has it curdled yet,"
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"These puppies are a masterpiece,"
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"Yeah and they pee even if you ain't had a baby,"
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"Monica I'm trying to help you,"
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I somewhat wanted to believe her...
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So here I am reading my sisters infamous first date rule sheet that is apparently 25 of the most important things to do!
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Emily Vokasovich's 25 first date important to-do list
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1. Use a signature colongue- or make your own go to Emily.vokasovich.wordpress.org to learn how or just youtube pointless videos!
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2. Always wear designer gear.
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3. Hey the heels gotta be at least 5 inches tall so you are at least a models height if you are 5ft tall then make them at least 8 inches!
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4. G.string, a clutch bag, condoms, morning after pill, lippy, gloss, lip liner, mascara, eyeliner, mirrors, phone, a portable charger, card (in case I got to leave early i have all the essentials!
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5. Tight clothing is a must or if its casual flared trousers and a tight top so it makes him die to see your legs or at least dream about them!
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6. Check your speed dials honey, because if you got to get out of this date fast, like he's cute, but I don't know he got a bad breath alert or armpit horror movies; you must have Malvern taxis and a bestie with plenty of fat free ice cream or frozen yogurt.
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7. Show up in a cool car or make sure his is amazing or walk home- don't catch the bus or train.
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8. Work out for 7 days beforehand or at least 1 month before- low weights and high reps 3 x a week and you'll look sexy as fuck believe me you want to feel TIGHT before this date.
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9. Check your teeth for spinach regularly.
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10. Breath freshener, mints or gum please.
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11. Look at yourself in a full length mirror before you leave
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12. Rest room in place? Did you use it? Check for loo roll like on your shoe when you leave or your body, check there is loo roll before you use the toilet duh okay its not rocket science...
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13. Flirt a little because you got to at least break the ice.
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14. Ask him about his future goals.
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15. If he don't intend on being rich or have a decent career oh my lord fuck him and leave the date and if you're on a netflix and chill just say you wanna go up, do what you gotta do and then wait until he's still asleep and take off.
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16. Get shopping done two weeks in advance.
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17. Get a long hot shower on the day and use lush products or make your own EmilyVokasovich.wordpress org
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18. Get a scale and polish+ whitening 3 days before, because for 48 hours you can only eat white food, chicken completely plain, cauliflower, rice and potatoe or just anything white
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19. Do hair on the day in a top tier salon.
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20. Get a wax, pedicure and manicure again a top tier salon.
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21. Wear lashes because curling won't help.
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22. Wear a bodysuit to suck in any fat and again opt for top tier not primark.
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23. Get false nails done one week in advanced at a top tier salon.
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24. Get all homework done.
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25. Say to mum, bye I'll see you later and just shut the door.
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I'm Monica Vokasovich and so I read through all my sisters rules that she says to do before and during a first date but damn I ain't about to get married.
Or even go the long haul am I?
We are only hanging out!
Besides one rule is out the window I'm going out in literally 8 days from now!
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Okay he didn't exactly ask me to hang out, but I seriously think these rules aren't me.
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I think I'll just go with trainers, a t- shirt, ponytail or maybe curl my hair and wear my Minecraft backpack 🎒 or just a plain black one because I'd rather he likes me not what I can be for one night.
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I want to test his emotional intelligence and see how much wit he got.
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I am just a geek and if he asked me, he must like me, but my sister is adamant he'll dump me if I don't follow her rule sheet!
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So I'm really considering going on this date, but here's the issue! How's a girl like me even find 5 inch heels- let alone walk in them!
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So I agreed to coach a girl or in other words tutor her and she will take me shopping, but I had to work 72 hours in a car wash just to spend it on designer clothing.
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I really wanted to cry because this is so not me, I feel I'm turning into Emily, oh yuck.
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"I know what you're thinking- just pinch my sisters designer gear! I would, but her moo moo explosives just developed 2 years ago and so I am a little calcium stuck at the moment."
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See I don't know why- but I use to call her a MACNUT, well infact she was picked on by seniors, but when her moo moo explosives developed it was a whole other concept.
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Literally guys would absolutely swoon over her 5ft8 hour-glass pschique and her her winning smile.
When she flipped that wavy platinum blonde hair they would drool over her.
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This list is next level she some kind of MACSLUT atm I'm not sure, but damn she is so high maintenance, I guess I never noticed it much until now!
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Am I that much in my own world that I only hear muffled screams?
Or a muffled Emilyism I swear she gives me an aneurysm headache.
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"I bet I could land him because he's popular?"
"Aren't I the most gorgeous girl that ever walked the school?"
I mean wouldn't you hate to hear these types of conversations all the time.
She has them with herself in her full length mirror, then has one in the bathroom mirrored cabinet...
At the dinner table with a handheld mirror...
At her dressing table too.
Oh and in my dads' range rover and my mums convertible too.
Well dads getting her a car soon and thank the heavens for that.
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Just I noticed she doesn't do it in school or in the car when we are near school or near her friends.
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I started off by learning about myself and what I want
I don't hate myself, but I can't stand infront of a mirror gauging on my beauty its not necessarily because I don't see it yet I'm just in the midst of discovering myself more.
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My social skills aren't practically zero, but I only get along with people who are empaths and have life experience to teach me things or otherwise I get bored so easily.
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My friends are nature lovers and we enjoy to help others.
I really enjoy making people laugh.
I'm sort of numb, I don't get emotional at all so I can't relate to many people.
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I'm the class clown of this family...
Even though if me and my sister were a plate she'd never say- "Dinners' on me,"
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Trust me she's so tight that her chest once popped and then I found she used a balloon to make her moo moo explosives bigger.
She then decided to use tissue paper I always found it funny, but until now i Envy her being an F.
I kind of wonder why she was so insecure about having small tits in the first place?
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It's actually kind of funny the more I thought about her F-Cup.
She failed...
English.
She failed...
Biology
She thought she'd pass chemistry
She failed...
Also failed geography...
She passed homeac.
She passed art...
She passed design
She failed math...
She failed physics...
She got an A+++ in boys.
Then I didn't Envy her moo moo explosives anymore I just kept saying F F F you Emily and I felt better every single time haha mostly because she didn't get it.
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Honestly people were like damn you Monica you're so cheeky, but truth is I'd rather be a cheeky geeky class clown rather than a rotten self-centered, ego maniac macslut in love with my own voice.
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I don't exactly hate Emily, but she and I are so different and don't see Eye-to-Eye!
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I went to Donz because he let's me wash the cars, literally everyday and weekends I was up by 5am and walked there by 8am, or used my bike. I wasn't done until 8pm and I'd just rip off my clothes and fall fast asleep.
I do them after school because I am the paper girl too.
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In terms of food Donz always got us pizzas and protein shakes and lucazade so we fly through the damn work.
His real name is Mike, but he's the Don you know.
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I saw a big guy there on his first day and he seemed kind of scary, but getting to know Jimmy he wasn't so bad afterall and we made good friends.
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"Haha My brother always used to pick on me by calling me a tooth pick, he'd pick me up and rub his teeth on me, after going gym he can't do that anymore,"
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"My sisters' hot and everyone likes her and she's so arrogant and egotistical and shallow and wants me to be like her I hate it,"
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Jimmy stopped a second and as he regained consciousness "do you think she'd like me,"
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"No chance you work in a car wash dude,"
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"Ha maybe she might change,"
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"Ha maybe one day."
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So we had a laugh and I got the money for the clothes but I wanted to cry in pain.
Only I knew it would keep Emily off my case and I made a new friend.
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So here I went tutoring this F girl who's milk bombs are the size of her butt cheek like how do they get so big like that? I'm not jealous or anything I'm just curious.
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So Mel sat down and her chest was hanging out with us too.
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"Wow you got a big chest,"
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"Sure do Size J now teach me,"
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"Do you know the square root of 9,"
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"What's a square root?"
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"Okay let's do division,"
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"What's division,"
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"Okay Mel I guess I'm going to struggle with tutoring you If you don't know what anything is,"
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"Monica just teach me the basics and what everything means and make it simple,"
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My head was going to explode for some damn shopping! I told her what multiplication was and we learned this in the 2nd grade.
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I taught her division that I learned in 3rd grade and subtraction and addition which I learned in 1st grade and kindergarten.
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Anyways after 3 hours a night for 3 days of grind I saved up for a comic now its going on clothes,?
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Anyways she agreed to take me shopping and damn I so don't want to do this I want to invest my money so I'll check every sale, but I got Emily echoing in my brain 24/7 like a broken radio, a broken damn record...
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"Shut the fuck up you f girl."
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I don't know why she has to get involved or show interest in my life especially when I didn't ask her!
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Plus those girls she hangs out with stuff their bras...
One of them called me names today so I called her names back and made her cry.
I just got the wit and she didn't because I got called a nerd all the time so why would that even offend me.
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I went to the carwash and did my grind there...
For the first time I actually saw one of Emily's friends' show up, like when is she going to get that these girls' aren't her real friends.
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"Hey geek girl, clean this up good and quickly, my dog pissed in the car and I got a date in like 3 hours I'm coming to pick it up in my dads' G-wagon.
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"Cool we charge extra for incontinence,"
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"You nasty son of a freak,"
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"Right there on the board or I could dumb it down for you,"
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"Listen you freak I'm not about to let you and your brains ruin my day-"
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"Is there a problem?"
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"Yes she's being mean to me,"
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"Hey Mike I just told her we charge extra for incontinence and she got mad,"
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"Well it's true we do charge extra so anyones cat or dog or kids who've pissed in the car we charge extra,"
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"Fine I'll be back later with my dad."
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"Friend of yours?"
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"No my sisters,"
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"Damn she's got a bad judge of character!"
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"Tell me about it,"
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I knew I wasn't going to get a tip, so my boss made a rule...
All Incontinence cleaners are tipped at least $5 extra and we are tipped an additional $5 so that made me smile on the Inside.
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Her dad came in his Almo G-wagon which was at least 2ft taller than I was!
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"Hey Mike you cleaned my daughters car or what,"
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"Yes that'll be $55 please..."
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"Why an increase of $10?"
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"Check My board buddy and we also used extreme drying facilities on things that aren't leather and special cleaners for all types of leathers and the correct sponges and cloths."
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"Fine, $55 now we'll be using different facilities from now on!"
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"Fine by me buddy."
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I was kind of shocked that Mike knew him a little too well; so I asked Mike out of curiosity and he told me that they went to school together and Megan isn't even his real daughter, but because he was a nerd in high school and got her mum now and she's still a milf he pretty much said...
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"I hit the jackpot," to Mike nearly everytime only I never got why because Mike is way better looking, I'm guessing it's a rich thing!
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Someone followed me home that night whilst I was on my bike, I didn't know who it was, they watched me go into my house I was sort of like... what the heck!
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I was so tired that night I just fell asleep with my overalls on by accident.
Eww holy guacamole cheese!
Only it won't smell like that in the morning.
I think my mum will go bonkers most likely
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