“Blythe. You know our mother is never going to let you take a two week long ‘artist retreat’ in the mountains.” My sister blair laughed.
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“And that is exactly why she doesn’t need to know.” I smirked. “Cover for me, please Blair I need this.”
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Blair rolled her deep hazel eyes, she took the most after our mother. She had a beautiful figure, long legs that went on for days, and eyes that could see right into your heart. “And how the hell do you expect me to do that? You know she finds a way to show up here every other day for brunch or to check in or whatever excuse she finds to show up unannounced.”
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I hopped up on the kitchen counter. “Blair, I’ve been sober for a year and a half, I’ve gained weight, I’ve done everything she’s asked of me! She cannot keep me on a schedule like a prisoner for the rest of my life. This Gallery will be my chance to get my work out there. To become my own person and get out of your house!”
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“I happen to like you living at my house, thank you very much. It feels like we’re kids again, only without most of moms nagging.” She chuckled, I glared at her. “I don’t know why you’re so stressed about this. You’ve made tons of money off the cover art from my last two books alone.”
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“That is because those books have been best sellers and you gave me an unreasonably large cut of the profits. I don’t want to be known as my little sister's book illustrator. I have my own life, Blair!” I’m shouting now, Blair throws her hands up and sighs.
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“I can’t lie for you, Blythe. Don’t you understand how serious this is? If you relapse, mom will never forgive you… you could die.” She said, quietly at the end.
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“Is that really what you think of me?” I asked quietly, “That I’m using this as an excuse to get high? That-that my art isn’t good enough if I’m not strung out?”
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Blair ran a hand through her luscious, brown ringlet curls and sighed. “No, I’m just worried about you, Blythe. I don't want you to be tempted. When you OD’d I- ”
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I hopped off the counter, cutting her off. “When I OD’d you all should have just let me fucking die.” I stormed down the hall, Blair shouting after me. Once I reached my bedroom I slammed the door so hard the sound echoed through the hallways.
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Tears welled up in my eyes, and I tried too hard to blink them away. In rehab, they say you need to feel your pain, but the pain of being here, of living and breathing when Cedar is gone…Is just far too much for me to bear. I swallowed my tears and shoved the past into the back of my mind. This is it. This gallery is my chance to get my art out there, to get out of my sister's shadow and finally, finally be free.
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There are only two things that really brought out the creativity in me. The first, of course, were drugs. Some of the best pieces I’d ever painted, drawn, or sketched were either while I was high, or coming down from a high. The second is one I picked up in rehab, nature. The rehab facility my mother sent me to was deep in the colorado mountains, where the colors were vibrant, and the air was cold but nature was raw and beautiful. Art is what kept me in addiction, but it was also the thing that pulled me out.
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I knew I needed to be back in the mountains, I needed to feel free again and my art would reflect that. I’ve painted, sure but nothing would ever be as good as the pieces I made in rehab. Those were unfiltered, messy, they were mine. Not some little painting of flowers or romantic settings for Blairs novel, no those pieces were what made me, me.
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I’d made up my mind, the only way to get the inspiration I was looking for is to get high, or to get somewhere I was free to be myself. Somewhere filled with crisp air and living breathing nature. In my mind, I think of how much easier it would be to just get high. I think of how to get my hands on pills, powders, anything. And then I remember waking up in that hospital, I remember the look on my mothers face, and worst of all… I remember Cedar. I shake the thought out of my head and start planning.
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I’d need to hike throughout the night, but it would be worth it. I would be free to be myself again, and for the first time in over a year I could be happy. I grab my old camping backpack and start shoving the warmest clothes I own into it. The winters in Colorado are cold, but I am no stranger to the outdoors. I figured I’d ride to the least known, and least likely mountain trail for anyone to be on, which would be a forty-five minute ride to Cauldare, the smallest little mountain town that no one ever visits. Until now.
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Just after midnight, I sneak into Blairs room. My mother made her keep the key to my bike on her key ring. I thought about just taking an Uber, but my mother forced me to share my location with her at all times which I’m sure she watches like a hawk. I search around in the darkness for a bit on tiptoe when I see them. Her key ring sat in a bowl on her dresser, I snuck over to her dresser and slowly reached for the key ring when I heard her voice.
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“Sneaking out?” She asked groggy.
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“What?” I replied.
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“Blythe. I’m not stupid, and you’re not as sneaky as you think.” She said, sitting up in bed. The moonlight through the curtain illuminated her face, heightening her worried look.
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My shoulders slump. “I have to get out of here, B.” I whispered.
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She sighed. “I don’t know why you’re doing this, Blythe, but you’d never do something like this unless it was important to you.”
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“I need a break, Blair.” I said quietly.
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“I’m not going to cover for you.” She said, “I’m going to have to tell her you’re gone…”
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I curled my fingers into fists, and took a long deep breath before she spoke again. “So I hope for your sake, you’re far up the mountain by morning.” She said, an extremely small smirk spreading across her lips.
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I practically leaped over to her bed and squeezed her so hard I thought my arms would break. “That’s all the time I need.” I said. “Thank you, B.”
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“Can you just promise me one thing, please?” She asked with glossy eyes.
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I nodded. “Yes, yeah.”
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“Promise me, you’ll eat. Three times a day, even if it’s just a little bit. A-and I know you’re clean but–” I stopped her.
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I climbed under her covers and pulled her close to me. “Blair, after last time…I don’t want to make you feel the way I felt with Cedar. I don’t want to put you through that. I love you, you’re my very best friend and I don’t want to worry you, but I need to be free. Even just for a little while.” I said softly.
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Blair nodded. “I love you too, Blythe.” She said, “Please…Be careful. I’ll wait to call mom as long as I can.”
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I kissed her forehead and climbed out of her bed. I grabbed my keys off her key ring and toward the door. “Blythe.” Blair said, “Your art is amazing. You’re gonna kill it at the gallery.”
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I smiled at her, and then headed to the basement for the rest of my camping gear.
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Once I got all my gear packed and loaded onto my motorcycle, I took one last look at the route to Cauldare before I turned off my phone and left it in the garage. I knew the first thing my mother would do was try to track my location, as if I would be stupid enough to bring my phone with me. I hopped on my bike, giving one last look to the home that used to feel like a prison to me, before turning around, revving the engine, and getting ready to finally have my freedom back.
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Edited 6/21
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