I pulled up to my sister's house and took a deep breath. I had not been back here since teenage years, but memories came back. I felt dread as I looked up at the white two-story house. I had not even told her why I was here; I just said I needed a place to stay for a few months.
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I opened the car door and stepped out, grabbing Cecelia and Rose’s hands as they followed me out of the car. My eyes were heavy with exhaustion and sadness. I had not slept in weeks. Blake left without explanation.
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I glanced up at the house again, swallowing the lump in my throat. I had to do this, I reminded myself. I had to take care of my daughters.
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Eleanor answered on the first knock. She smiled, but her eyes were tinged with worry as she looked at me up and down. “Liam,” she said, holding out her arms for a hug. “Come here.” I stepped into her embrace, feeling like a scared child.
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“Let's get you three inside.” She reached out and grabbed the daughters' hands, leading them into the house. “I'm so glad you're here,” she said, smiling down at them.
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I followed her, overwhelmed by the warmth of her welcome. I cleared his throat. “Thank you,” I said. “It means a lot.”
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Eleanor smiled. “Of course. You're family. You always belong here.” She led them into the living room and gestured for them to sit. “Do you want something to drink? A snack?”
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I shook his head. “No, thank you. We're okay.”
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Eleanor nodded and sat down on the couch next to me. “So, tell me what's going on.”
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I hesitated and looked away, feeling ashamed of admitting Blake had left me and I was struggling to care for my daughters. I wanted to keep this all to myself, but Eleanor’s gaze was too patient and understanding for me to turn away completely. I swallowed and tried to explain, but as the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back.
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When I was finished, she nodded. "You can do this," she said, her voice gentle. "You’re strong and have lots of support."
Nodding, I wished I could feel as confident as she sounded. I felt like I had failed in so many ways already, and I wasn't sure I could handle failing again. But I knew I had to try.
I smiled, feeling better. His sister had always been there for him when he needed her, and he was grateful.
I looked out at the unfamiliar landscape, seeing my girls running around in the garden, playing tag with Eleanor’s goldendoodle. Rose barely kept up with her tiny legs. It had been a long time since I'd been back here, in this place that once felt familiar to me.
The last time I visited was when I was a kid. I snuck out to a party and ended up drunk. In fear of my parents' wrath, I begged Eleanor not to tell them I had been to a party. Now all of that had changed, and here I was, back after five years.
I left Eleanor’s home, my hometown, when I was eighteen to be closer to Blake as she headed off to college to pursue fashion. But life took a different turn as I found out Blake was pregnant with Cecelia. And now here I am, back home, after all these years, with no job and no prospects and two young kids to care for.
I wasn't sure how this would work, but I knew I had to try. I had to make the most out of this situation, no matter how impossible it seemed.
Eleanor had stepped out to check on the kids in the backyard, while Cecelia had run inside to grab some water from playing tag outside. I heard Eleanor’s muffled voice from outside call to Cecelia “bring some water for your sister?”
Cecelia nodded, “Mkay.” She grabbed two more water bottles from the fridge. I think Cecelia noticed my demeanor. Cecelia sensed my pain, and her expression softened as she glanced at me. Cecelia sensed my pain, and her expression softened as she looked at me. "Daddy, why do you look so sad?" she asked, her voice full of concern.
I turned my head to look at her, a sad smile playing on my lips. "Nothing, sweetheart. I'm just tired, that's all," I lied. I looked away. I didn't want her to see the truth in my eyes.
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Cecelia's brow furrowed in confusion. She had never seen me look this sad before. She stood beside me, not sure what else she could do."You're lying," she pointed out, still looking at me with that same earnest expression. "...there are just some things on my mind," I said softly.
"But can't you talk to me about it?" she asked, still looking up at me with concern.
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"Of course not," I replied, trying to keep my voice even. I knew it was a lie, but I wasn't prepared to tell her more.
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Cecelia looked away and spoke softly. "Is it because mommy isn't coming back?"
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I froze. I wanted to deny it, but I knew that would be a lie too. I closed my eyes, searching for the right words to explain the situation, but I couldn't find them. Finally, I opened my eyes and looked at my daughter. My voice was gentle. "Yes," I said. "It's because mommy isn't coming back."
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Cecelia's eyes welled up with tears, and I felt my throat tighten with emotion. My quivering hand reached out to her, shaking slightly as I attempted to wipe away her tears. Cecelia swallowed hard and nodded. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice barely a whisper.
I shook my head. "No, don't be sorry," I said. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't tell you more than that."
Holding back tears, I pulled Cecelia into my arms and stroked her hair. My heart was heavy with guilt and love - I wanted to be a good father, I wanted to protect her from sadness.
“It's not fair daddy,” she said softly.
How can I explain to her that love isn't always enough? Sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want it to?
"I wish things could be different too, Cecelia." I said.
I held her tightly in my arms, wishing things could be different too.
She pulled away from me and looked up at me with mirrored hazel eyes. "Why can't mommy come back, why can't we all be together again?" she asked.
"I don't know sweetheart, I don't know why mommy left us...but I will always love you both so much and I'll make sure you're both taken care of.
"I know daddy," she said softly. "I love you too."
I smiled back at Cecelia, unable to find words to express how I felt. Instead, I hugged her tight, not wanting to let go. "I love you," I repeated, my voice filled with emotion. Cecelia nodded and hugged me back, her small arms wrapping around my neck.
"C'mon let's go outside." I say as we stand up and head outside.
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I walked with Cecelia in tow, her small hand nestled safely in mine.
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The sound of barking of a dog drew my attention. A golden-doodle ran around the yard, chasing after a tennis ball thrown Eleanor. Rose squealed with delight and ran towards Louie, the sun glinting off her messy dark hair curls. She saw me and waddled towards me with her tiny chubby arms outstretched.
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As Louie noticed me, he walked towards us and dropped the ball at my feet. Rose ran over to me with her tiny arms outstretched and warmly welcomed me into an embrace. Looking over at Louie, she replied, "I play with my dog.". "I know, I saw you." I smiled. Louie seemed sad that Rose wasn't chasing him anymore. He dropped the ball right beside us. Rose spun around to look at Louie as I threw the ball. He took off chasing after the ball.
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Eleanor shot me a worried look. I shook my head. Louie the goldendoodle brought me one of his favorite toys. I played with him for a while before falling into the grass because my arm was sore. The sun flittered through the trees and reflected off the water in soft sparkles as it danced across the surface.
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The girls laughed as Louie brought his purple dinosaur to them, chewing on it as he nudged Cecelia’s hand to play tug of war. "Louie is so cute," Cecelia said, laughing and squeaking. Cecelia and she ran with the dinosaur in hand, carefully maneuvering it through the backyard. Her brown hair bounced off her shoulders as she ran across the grass.
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“Looks like you'll need to get a dog," Eleanor said.
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I shook my head no and hoped that the girls hadn't heard her comment. I didn't want the girls asking me for a dog anymore than I wanted them asking me for ice cream every five minutes.56Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyQoV5d3UY
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I heard the door creak open, and small steps walked closer to the end of the bed. Without opening my eyes I knew it was Rose. "Come here." The bed dipped as she climbed up onto the mattress.
As soon as I heard the sniffles, my eyes opened. Rose wiped her eyes with her tiny fists. Without a word, I opened my arms and Rose rushed into them, burying her face in my neck. I held her tightly, letting her cry against me for an eternity. I murmured soothing words, rubbing her back gently. After a few minutes, Rose's sobs slowed down, until all that was left were hiccup cries. Gently lifting her chin, I looked into her reddened blue eyes and asked softly: "What's wrong?"
"I wanna go home," she hiccupped. "I miss my mommy."
“I know, sweetheart,” I said softly. “I miss her too.”
Rose looked down, her bottom lip quivering. I desperately wished I could do something to make it easier for her, but I knew the only thing I could do was be there for her. I glanced at the digital clock and saw that it was 2:30 am, realizing that I would likely not sleep soon.
“Let’s go downstairs,” I said, taking Rose’s hand in mine. “We can have some water and talk about what happened. Okay?”
Rose nodded, but I could tell she was still upset. I stood up, taking her hand in mine as we walked down the hallway. Once we were in the kitchen, I poured her a glass of water. After she had some water, we returned to the bed. I sat back and looked at Rose, who seemed to have regained her cheerful spirit. I smiled and reached out to ruffle her hair.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” I asked.
“Mommy,” she replied, her voice quivering.
I sighed, unsure of what to say. I knew Rose needed to talk, to understand why her mother left. However, I wasn’t sure how to explain it to her in a way she would understand. I reached out and squeezed her hand before speaking.
“Your mommy loves you very much, sweetheart,” I said. “But she was struggling with something and it was too much for her. So she had to leave. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you – she does and always will.”
Rose looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears again. I reached out and wiped them away, before pulling her into a hug. “I know it’s hard, sweetheart,” I whispered into her hair. “But remember that I love you and I’m always here for you.”
Rose nodded against my chest, her arms around my neck. I kissed the top of her head, feeling her small body warm in my arms. I would do anything to protect my girls, no matter what happened. I knew she would never be alone. I would be there for her, no matter what.
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